DownTheRabbitHole

Bucket List

2009-11-08T00:32:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty sure I'm overdue for some serious blogging action.

I got an e-mail forward/survey thing that is pretty fun. Normally I don't bother with them, but this one is cuties so I'll share:

***

The Bucket List*

Hit forward and place an (x) by all the things you've done and remove the (x) from the ones you have not.

Then send to your friends (including me). This is meant to cover your entire life............

(X)Been to Europe
()Been on a cruise
(x ) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
( )Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost

(X) Been on the opposite side of the country

( X) Gone to Washington , DC
( x ) Been to Vegas
(x ) Climbed a lighthouse
( X ) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Seen the Cherry Blossoms in Washington , D.C.

(X) Played cops and robbers
( ) Flown a plane

( )Owned a boat

( ) Watched grandchildren grow
( X ) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Been to the Kentucky Derby
( ) Been to Key West
( x ) Been to a rodeo
( x ) Sang Karaoke
( x ) Paid for a meal with coins only
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( X ) Made prank phone calls
( x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
( x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( X ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone

( ) Seen the green flash at sunset

( X) Blown bubbles
( X ) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Owned a convertible.

( ) Rode a motorcycle
( ) Bungee jumped
(x) Caught snakes
(x )Eaten anchovies

( ) Been in all 50 states

1. Any nicknames? Lou, Lu, Lui, Pooh Bear, Lou Pooh, Lou Lou, L... I got more nicknames than dollars in my bank account.

2. Favorite drink? Sapphire n' tonic - don't act like you didn't know

3. Body Piercing? A couple

4. How much do you love your Job? A lot actually! I work with awesome people.

5. Birthplace? Ponce, Puerto Rico - don't get it twisted :: two snaps ::

6. Ever been to Hawaii ? Not yet

7. Ever been to Africa ? No - was supposed to spend my 21st birthday in Morocco but someone slipped something in my drink the day before I was supposed to leave and I was out for 36 hours. Sad.

8. Ever eaten just cookies for dinner? Hell yes.

9. Ever been on TV? Obviously - have we met?

10. Ever steal any traffic signs? Proudly - yes.

11. Ever been in a car accident? Sadly - yes.

12. Drive a 4 or 2 door vehicle? Many times.

13. Favorite Number? 4

14. Favorite holiday? My birthday

15. Favorite dessert? Molten chocolate cake

16. Favorite food? My mother's cooking

17. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday

18. Favorite brand of body wash? Kiehl's (snob!)

19. Favorite Fast Food? Cuchifritos - don't act like you ain't down

20. How do you relax? With my eyes closed

21. Where will you be in 10 years? Madly in love with my prince charming, on holiday in Fiji

22. Furthest place you will send this message? Umm... your brain cells.

23. Who will respond to this list first? I'm hoping Ricky Martin... but... I'll settle for someone in my contacts list.

paulo coelho

2009-04-19T11:21:00.000-04:00

i just really need to put my man on blast right now because i absolutely admire and appreciate his writing. last night i went to barnes and noble in search of a new age philosophy title and as i approached the information counter i noticed a display for Paulo's new book. since i don’t keep up with anything anymore i had no clue this book was even in the works, but sure enough Paulo surprised me with a lil somethin’ fresh.

one of the things i deeply admire about his writing is his ability to impart knowledge on his readers while telling a really entertaining story that includes characters that are too complex to not be invested in. and the wisdom he’s sharing with us is always relevant, with the “greater good” in mind and in intent... his writing is that spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.

“the winner stands alone” - bring it on.

test entry

2009-04-18T17:16:00.000-04:00

I'm working with a new piece of software that will let me upload from my mac to this blog... stay tuned...

this. happened.

2008-03-25T23:01:00.000-04:00

Luis' Thing of the Week

2008-03-16T22:49:00.001-04:00

Hello my dears and queers,

Welcome to this week's edition of Luis' Thing of the Week. For those of you who are new to the blog- be excited! As you've probably noticed by now, for those of you who've read my TOTW before, I'm not really producing these every week like I used to. Why is that? Well, the answer is actually quite simple- I work corporate now so all I do is work, eat and sleep. When the TOTW was incepted I was working as an assistant to a judge in a pretty low-key work environment where I was able to pull off working a solid 10-4:30 (because I was always late in the morning and I always stopped working around 4:30). This meant that I had plenty of time to chill out and do tons of things that I love doing- like writing. Now I work anywhere between 9 and 12 hours a day for 6 days a week, and when I'm done working I don't really have the energy or enthusiasm for anything- like writing. When I'm done working all I care about is chillin' the fuck out- roll a joint, have dinner, take a shower and maybe call someone cute before going to bed. I have become a corporate vampire. Unlike actual vampires who run from the light of day, corporate vampires desperately want to see the light of day but are often too busy to even step out of the office for lunch or stop to look out the window because they're stuck in their cubicles crunching numbers for needy clients. But as intense as my life has become, I'm thankful that I still have amazing skin and a great ass.

Finally, I've carved out some time to reach out to all of you, my devoted fans, whom I'm sure have been sitting on the edge of yours seats waiting with breath that is abated for my TOTW. I hope I don't disappoint.

Let's begin with a snapshot of things in my mind at the moment:
- My new tattoo is fierce.
- Janet Jackson's new video is FEROCIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I live for her!
- I'm so sad this season of Project Runway is over because Christian is my favorite person
in life ever and I want him to be my best friend.
- OMG I'm going to be 25 in like .5.
- Iron Chef America is the best show to happen to anyone's life.
- So is Lipstick Jungle- amazing writing.
- I'm thinking of shaving my head and going bald so I could sleep 10 extra minutes in the
morning instead of doing my hair.
- I'm excited that Oprah might be the next President!
- Coldplay is way overdue for a new album.
- Manchego cheese is amazing.
- I'm obsessed with a wine bar Beverly and I discovered in SoHo that serves NY wines.
- I want a MacBook Air.
- I miss Brooklyn.
- Brazil is calling me.
- "I'm best friends with all the muppets… I went to all their weddings…." (you'll get this if
you watched SNL last week).

Now that we got that out of the way, let's dive right into our feature presentation-

Luis' Thing of the Week- Crunchy-Granola Establishments

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm very respectful of anyone's lifestyle… but I'll always have something to say. I'm especially outspoken about people who adhere to fads and lifestyles that fall under the categories of being "green" or "eco-friendly" or "earthy/orgo". Now, I completely understand the urgency of finding solutions that protect our environment and our personal health- I want to see my grandchildren enjoy this earth as much as I have while eating unadulterated foods. My problem is with the fact that our culture and economy have marketed this urgency as a fad and are trying to milk it for everything while working against the current of the urgency of the matter. If you eat something organic, you pay more. It also costs more to be vegetarian, wash your clothes with eco-friendly detergents and drive hybrid cars. So, to be sensitive to the earth and people's health, you have to pay more… and yet it's really really important that we become that sensitive. This means that if you're poor you can't be sensitive… and therefore trendy. And if 2% of our national population controls 90% of the wealth, then that means that we're still pretty fucked because no one can really afford to save the earth…. Intense.

I'd like to focus on the trendy aspect of being green and how the earthy, crunchy-granola outlook manifests itself into a social space- The Crunchy-Granola Establishment. Everyone has one in their neighborhood. It's the all in one market/café/bookstore/holistic care pharmacy with free Wi-Fi connection. You'll walk in and smell earthyness (usually a combination of lavender oil and sandalwood), and all around you you'll find an assortment of teas, vitamin supplements, advertisements for tree-planting organizations and acupuncturists on a message board on the wall by the smoothie bar with a wheatgrass display, bookshelves with tofu recipe books and political history books, a food bar that serves all kinds of fake foods- unchicken, tempeh and other things you normally won't find in nature that we apparently eat because it's good for us- and to top it all off you'll find a group of people sitting in the café with Apple laptops and either shaven heads or fierce dreadlocks. Those same people chillin' in the café dress like they just walked out of the Salvation Army clearance sale with their ripped jeans and washed out plaid shirt that don't match and a hole in their Converse sneakers… yet those same people have the money to maintain a vegan diet, drive a hybrid car, carry an Apple laptop, live in trendy neighborhoods and still donate to a foundation for refugee Himalayan whistle children. These people get to walk around being the goody-two-shoes that help the environment while the rest of us pump gas and eat red meat… and yet they don't look as cute as us. And if you ever stop to listen to their conversations, they've all just returned from a spiritual retreat in South American destinations like Machu Picchu where they were able to find themselves and be inspired to create a new solution to save the world- like another eco-friendly detergent that doubles as nutrients for coral reefs n' shit.

The Crunchy-Granola Establishment exists for people who are good-doers with a ton of money who don't want to show it off.

And there you have it my dears, Luis' Thing of the Week. Wasn't that fun? Want more? Let's give the dog a bone.

Here's my favorite quote of the week:

"I wouldn't fuck that bitch with a stolen dick."

That was pretty vulgar, but you have to admit that if you overheard someone say that about someone ugly you'd have a really good laugh. I'm not entirely sure where it came from, but my roommate said he'd share the audio clip it came from with me someday.

Well as much as I'd like to sit here and write forever more, time does seem to fly when you're having fun and I need to wrap this up for now. Until next time, my dears.
Wishing I could afford a hybrid,
Luis

fuckin' hot

2008-03-02T13:15:00.000-05:00

I'd love to!

Mess.

2008-01-30T19:55:00.000-05:00

Truest. Words. Ever.

2008-01-29T12:57:00.000-05:00

so am I... apparently

2008-01-23T23:57:00.000-05:00

just how I like it....

2008-01-19T21:22:00.000-05:00

HOT

2008-01-11T22:50:00.000-05:00

J-Heights

I want!!!

2008-01-10T23:19:00.000-05:00

My Thing of the Week- Week 15

2008-01-02T16:33:00.000-05:00

My dears and queers,

Happy New Year! Is everyone still hungover as fuck? If not, do not pass "Go", do not collect $200 and get your ass to a bar because sobriety is not cute the day after New Years- have a liquid dinner, work it out, make it happen. I'm happy to say that I had a PHENOMENAL New Years. After an amazing encounter at Wolfgang's with the best slab of bacon God ever put in my face, I trouped to Jackson Heights with my entourage for what turned out to be a fierce party at my apartment. The passion fruit mimosas B and I made were totally the best thing to happen to all of us that night, although I really enjoyed all of us dancing in my room while J clapped and stomped and downloaded hella Soulja Boy tracks on my Mac. Our very special guest that evening- A's breasts. I thank them for coming.

Here's a list of my resolutions this year. Let me preface this by saying I NEVER make resolutions because I think it's bogus and anyone who needs to make change in their life shouldn't wait until the beginning of a new year to make it happen, BUT I'm trying things differently this time:
- This is going to be the year I return to Puerto Rico to be with my grandparents. I want to make sure they remember how much they love me so it's reflected in their will.
- I'm just about ready to give up cigarettes so I may quit smoking this year... no promises.
- I'm going to start dating again after almost a year of chillin' out and doin' me. This will be the year I meet my future rich husband... plus I'm tired of waiting for Ricky Martin to come out.
- Fuck the gym for right now, BUT I'm going to incorporate more veggies in my diet :)
- I'm going to work things out and get published this year, maybe start with small clips in magazines or something. Be. Excited.
- I'm traveling to a new country this year- India. Maybe Turkey, if my rich husband comes through.
- I'm determined to keep up with movies this year. Hate feeling left out during awkward conversations at parties.
- I'm telling my next employer I'm Jewish so that I get mad days off from work.
- I'd like to attempt to learn a new language, and right now it's a toss up between Brazilian Portuguese and Haitian Creole. I want to be that fierce person at dinner parties who busts out mad phrases in random languages, keepin' it sexy n shyt.... Watch. Out.

OK- let's get down to business:
1) I love Janet Jackson... just a reminder in case you missed the memo last week. I listen to nothing else but "Feedback" all day every day. It's. Serious.
2) Thanks to my male non-romantic life partner, Wilson, I smell like sex, A.K.A. Gucci II, and I'm loving all the attention I get for it. He's not allowed to wear Gucci for the next month because I will NOT have my thunder stolen.
3) The halal spot by my apartment is to die for, just don't count on them to be there at 3am while it's raining. True. Sad. Story.

And now, it's time for the

Gay Word of the Week- grandiloquent

I know some of you saw this word pop up during your GRE or maybe you've never seen this word in your life. Either way, this word is innately queer because of the following reasons:
- it has 4 syllables, as does the word "Mississippi"
- it describes, in totality, tranny behavior
- during a drag show a queen is very likely to use this word incorrectly in an attempt to outsmart someone
- it describes something big, and since gays are all secretly size queens they're drawn to this word like moths to a flame
- if you channel the cunt in you and you say this word with sass, it will bring inner peace to you

Wasn't that so much fun? I'm sure you can't wait for the next feature, so why waste any time? Here it is folks,

My Thing of the Week- Secret Potheads

Now, I've written about a whole host of things in the past, some very racy and controversial, some just straight up funny. This week I'm going to push the envelope a little further because it's time we keep it really real. People who know me well know that I'm absolutely fascinated by human psychology, but nothing makes my intellect wetter than watching human beings interact while on some sort of stimulant, and my favorite by far is weed. People on trees are the smartest, deepest, funniest, freest and realest people you could ever come across. Pot truly brings people together in ways that nothing else could (though food comes pretty damn close and it's no coincidence that blazing is followed by a total munch-out). My favorite thing about potheads is that they can always steak each other out, kinda the ways gays can pick up what others put down; potheads have a fierce potdar. The thing that cracks me up more than anything is that you can be sitting with a group of random people, having dinner with folks you just met, for example, and as soon as one person breaks the ice about blazing EVERYONE starts getting mad open about their favorite vice. Then you'll notice throughout the evening people are on the edge of their seat, itching to fast forward past dinner to the part of the evening when people are chillin' out in someone's apartment and they got a fierce cipher goin'. The beautiful part about it all is that suddenly that one person at the dinner table who annoyed the shit out of you for .5 becomes your best friend for the evening and you guys kick it like you go way back like CapriSun juices and RingPops. Suddenly, everyone's dirty little secret becomes the thread that holds them all together. Secret potheads make the world go round. Here's a list of my favorite things about secret potheadedness:
a) usually in a group of people the one who is most serious and calm rolls the sexiest L
b) the people who talk too much calm the fuck down once their high
c) a true secret pothead will be high at "hello!"
d) there's always that one person who wants to buy some off of someone else because they have no friends
e) someone is bound to have pot on them in a group of 5 or more
f) the people who were mad quiet the whole night will suddenly have a lot to say, and it'll all be centered around hitting a bong vs rolling- they generally have nothing else to contribute to life
g) people will go to any length to get a cipher going once the ice is broken and all the potheads out themselves- including, but not limited to, smoking while walking down the street or in stairwells
h) the person who's life is hardest will be the most eager to blaze
i) this same person whose life is hard won't know how to take a hit and will cough themselves blue
j) the person who holds an L the longest in a cipher has control issues
k) the person who's saddest that the L is gone has abandonment issues
l) the person who is the "class clown" of the group will be a waste of space once s/he is high because they'll just sit there and giggle and do nothing else

And there you have it dears. I would have loved to include photos from the New Years bash but everyone is still too hungover to e-mail me or tag me on Facebook.

I have a very special request from all of you. Please, please, please forward a link to my blog to 4 people you know. As I mentioned, I'm planning to publish this year so it would help to get my word out there, especially to people who've never read these e-mails and whose lives would be 10 times better after reading it. Bottom line is you never know who knows who. It's important that you send it to no more and no less than 4 people as 4 is my lucky number. Make it happen. Your support is of course greatly appreciated and will not be forgotten :-)

Grandiloquent for days, even when the L is gone,
L

My Thing of the Week- Week 14 The Janet Edition

2007-12-25T21:14:00.000-05:00

My dears and queers,

Very Merry Christmas to all of you! I hope Santa was good to everyone. And for those who don't celebrate that means lunch is on you next time because this jolly guy right here is broke-ass in the fiercest way. I do have one bone to pick with the Universe- I got everything I wanted and much, much more (HOT) EXCEPT for my Gucci cologne. If I don't get my cologne by midnight I will officially give up my last ounce of hope that Santa really does exist. It's about to be THAT dramatic.

You'll notice in the subject line that this edition of the Thing of the Week has been labeled "The Janet Edition". As some of you may or may not have heard, Janet Jackson is getting ready to make the fiercest comeback she's ever made. As most of you should know I worship Miss Jackson and have been a loyal, loyal fan since her "Control" days when I barely spoke English but I knew all the lyrics to "The Pleasure Principle" (mess). I'm excited to share with you all a link to check out her newest single, "Feedback"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc-pxgGIFaA

The best way to describe this single is that it is simply Janet- innovative, incredibly sexy, electric, in it's own category, fierce, addictive, blows you right out of the water and leaves you wanting more. If this is her opening single, goodness only knows what else she has up her sleeves... and I'm hoping she'll be doing another tour!!!

And now for a couple of pointers:
1) I love Janet Jackson. My favorite lyric from her new single, "Strum me like a guitar, blow out my amplifier"- HOT.
2) I'm really glad the holidays are over and I didn't max out any cards. Patting myself on the back.
3) I got new leather gloves from Aldo- they were $25 AND on sale- buy one, get one free. My life has never felt like more of a blessing.
4) Still waitin' on that cologne.
5) I'm very much looking forward to next week's New Year celebration. You're all welcome to my place for drinks and goodies while we watch the ball drop (HOT). Be sure to wear purple!
6) I've developed an obsession for homefries. Thought you should all know.
7) I've been secretly watching the entire "Sex and the City" series for the first time in a year. It's my 3rd time going through the series.

Moving right along, let's get crackin' on this week's

Gay Word of the Week- Control.

All homosexuals crave control over their lives and destiny as a consequence of the constant scrutiny from society at large. It's no coincidence, then, that some of the people with the most power and control in our society are gay. Gays control everything from the Fall collection to the shows that are aired during prime time. You name and industry, we've infiltrated it. As you can see by resent outings of Republican political figures and members of the clergy we've managed to penetrate (HOT) the system. But there's still more work to be done; not everyone is as easy as New Jersey was.

It's no coincidence, then, that Janet Jackson's career should take off after her 2nd album, when she released a single and album titled, "Control". The song is specifically about breaking yourself free from things that's hold you down and empowering yourself. That is, in a nutshell, the plight of the gay man- wanting to break free and seize control. When Janet Jackson released this album she set up a cosmic chain of events that would forever protect her status as the Queen of Pop. For you see, we control the music industry too! And her message was so synonymous with the plight of the gay man that we have been taking good care of her ever since and have turned her into everyone's favorite fag hag. That, my friends, is the power of this week's Gay Word of the Week. Think. Control.

Wasn't that the most intense schooling of your life just now? I worked up a sweat putting that together. I almost want to take a break right now, but I can't. It's time for the moment we've all been waiting for, as anxiously as someone who needs to pee and is standing by a water fountain- time to present

My Thing of the Week- The Jackson Cunts

There are two very important schools of thought in the gay community- Madonnaism and Jacksonism. Through a process of natural selection, every gay man gravitates towards one of the ultimate hags in the music industry: Madonna or Janet Jackson. No matter what walk of life any queer man should come from, he is very familiar with one of these women's careers and can name everything about them from the time they first heard the person's music to the counts for the dance routines of every one of their videos. Followers of either school of thought are known as Madonna Cunts and Jackson Cunts, respectively. For decades there has been a huge divide between the men who follow these schools of thought- they cannot agree on who is the ultimate hag, making it difficult to maintain the political cohesion of the gay community. I am here to say, however, that I do love Madonna very much, but I self-identify as a Jackson Cunt, although it is without any bias that I say that Jackson Cunts are by far the fiercest people ever. To be a Jackson Cunt is to be someone who has mastered the art of seduction, someone incredibly versatile (HOT) and someone who is in control. Miss Jackson's story is that of a struggle overcome, a natural ability to seize men's attention, really good personal training and fierce choreography. Gay men in her worship have received her messages and as a result are better in bed and are in control. Madonna Cunts are fierce individuals as well, but Madonna is not symbolic of an "earned fierceness", she's one of an "innate fierceness", which is neither widely appreciated by gay men nor sufficient for fostering a reputable school of thought that promotes the message of seizing control. Hence, the Jackson Cunts win my heart. Here are other reasons why Jackson Cunts rule:
a) One in three Jackson Cunts have a tattoo of something that Janet has tattooed her on body OR a body piercing inspired by Janet- Madonna Cunts aren't as inked and ink is fuckin' HOT, nor does Madonna have any sexy piercings that she's shared with the world.
b) If you go to a Janet Jackson concert you'll find all the Jackson Cunts dancing on the same cue to all of her music.
c) A Jackson Cunt is great at giving directions (HOT).
d) Some of our favorite people in life are Jackson Cunts, including Oprah and me.

And there you have it my dears, the Janet Edition of my Thing of the Week. Hope you all enjoy getting fat and drunk on this fabulous Christmas. If you see Santa, tell him I'm still waitin' for that cologne....

Always in control,
L

My Thing of the Week- Week 13

2007-12-21T16:43:00.000-05:00

Hello dears and queers,

Happy Week-Before-Christmas! How excited are we that the madness of the holidays is almost over? No more feeling bad for not getting gifts for people you secretly can't stand, no more parties where you overeat and drink and hate yourself the next morning, no more having no time to yourself because you're running from one holiday event to the other. As magical as the holidays can be, it's also just added emotional and financial stress that we can all do without. There is one major thing that will be missed about the holidays though- sales... unless you plan on shopping at DSW for shoes, in which case you're assed out like no panties because their shit is expensive these days.

And now for some important words from our sponsors:
1) I'm falling in love with my neighborhood more and more each day. Last week I discovered that within a 1/2-2 block radius from my apartment there are 4 gay bars and a Tacolandia. Jackson Heights has totally been a part of my destiny.
2) I now do my laundry and dry cleaning at a spot called "Nice Cleaners"- God's way of reminding me how fascinating my life is.
3) I'm still hooked on OneRepublic's album and I strongly recommend all of you get hooked as well. I'm also still hooked on M.I.A. and want to make her my BFF.
4) I'd like to publicly announce my addiction to the Food Network. I am not ashamed to say that I watch Food Network for hours at a time and I still have no real explanation for my addiction- I just liketed dat shyt so much like so good.
5) I've decided I'll be visiting Canada in 2008 to do field work. They seem to covah their buttah pretty well up there and I want to get a better understanding of Canadian society to figure out why we're 20 years behind them.
6) I've also decided that I want to visit the Ice Hotel in Sweden at some point between now and by the time I'm 30.
7) I had an amazing 2nd set of interviews this week which means a) I wore a suit and was lookin' PHENOMENAL, from the "P" to the "L" and b) I should know soon where I'll be working in 2008. Nice!

Awesome. Now that we got that out of the way, let's introduce this week's

Gay Word of the Week: supple

In the spirit of the holidays and all that falls within the rainbow,
let's use a dramatization to illustrate the power of this week's word.

Tranny A- Gurl, Santa's jolly ass came early this year. I just
scheduled my surgery and by this time next week I'll have my tetas!
Tranny B- Oooo child! I remember when I got mine years ago... they were so firm and so supple... I never felt so fierce in my life.
Tranny A- Supple? Ain't nuthin' supple 'bout your sand bags honey. I'mma need you to re-lax.
Tranny B- Oh no you didn't bytch! You know my shits is supple as hell. That's why that little white southern boy you been blowin' been comin' to me these past few days.
Tranny A- Who Jacob? Please... I moved on to bettah thangs honey. I been blowin' this little Taiwanese boy. Him named Alex....
Tranny B- Whatevah bytch. My shits is supple.

Nice.

And now for the existential meat and potatoes of our lives...

My Thing of the Week: Riding Elevators For One Floor

I know you're probably at the edge of your seat right now, but before I get started I'm gonna switch things up a bit 'cause you know I like to keep it fresh like ziplocks. I'm going to write about the Thing of the Week from 2 perspectives- from the perspective of someone who totally rides the elevator for 1 floor and doesn't give a fuck, and from the perspective of someone who wants to slap people to sleep for riding the elevator one floor. Here we go!

Perspective A: My life is hard. I deal with all kinds of neurotic beings all day and I run in circles trying to make things happen both at work and in my life. I already expend so much of my energy and I sooooo don't like making a lot of effort, so when it's time to go up to another floor to make my life happen I totz avoid stairs like a scared teenage girl avoids home pregnancy test results. I proudly ride the elevator for one floor when trying to get around because stairs are just soooo unlike me. I'm sure I annoy the shit out of people, but it's not really about them. We've met, right? Plus, I spend so much money on food- why waste my calories taking stairs when I need to stay warm for the winter? I am considerate enough to take the stairs down if I'm only going one floor- wouldn't want anyone talkin' too much shit about me.

Perspective B: My life is hard. It seems like whenever I'm in the biggest rush to get somewhere to see someone or make something happen, there's always that stupid bytch who gets on the elevator and rides it for one floor and slows me down. When people do that I look them up and down to make sure they're not pregnant or disabled before reacting. If they are, I let that shit slide. If they're not, my brain sends a message to the palm of my hand. I feel it tighten up a little bit and I start having images of slapping the person to sleep for not taking their asses up the stairs. It's even more insulting when people ride the elevator DOWN one floor. When that happens my blood boils and I start turning green and I stare at the person up and down like they're the biggest setback in human history. People who do that need to feel people's hatred, otherwise they'll never learn. Additionally, letters should be sent to the parents of people who ride the elevator down one floor, reminding them that they've contributed nothing to our society by raising children who do that. It's. Serious.

And there you have it my dears. Wasn't it just sooo fun exploring the shit that goes on in my mind?

Always supple,
L

P.S. If there are any typos or instances of ESLness in this week's edition, please feel free to bring it to my attention. I won't actually do anything about it, but we'll have a good laugh!

Someone's business card

2007-12-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

HOT.

Hell yeah I do!

2007-12-12T15:34:00.000-05:00

My Thing of the Week- Week 12

2007-12-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

Hello dears and queers,

Happy 2-weeks-til-Christmas! The countdown is officially on, and I'm soooo looking forward to seeing what Santa brings me this year. Main things on my list: a husband, a vineyard, Gucci cologne, and a year of free gym membership. I know I was a bad boy this year, but I was reeeeaaally gooooood at it ;-) (HOT).

So, let's make sure we're all on the same page:
1) I have rubber ducky shower curtains! They're the best thing to happen to my life since Georgia's outburst where she swore if anyone ever said "howdy" to her she would spit in their face. See attached picture for a shot of my new bathroom.
2) Still on the subject of, rubber duckies, someone help me pick some from this site so I can put them by the sink! http://www.squeakyclean.us/store/index.html
3) I learned to crochet over the weekend and it's my new favorite thing to do in all of life, other than writing this e-mail. I might give everyone scarves for Christmas... at least they'll start off as scarves... I get crazy with it.
4) I love that Target is so close to my apartment. I may have to get a Target card.
5) Rubber duckies!!!

Alrighty. Moving right along, it's time to introduce this week's

Gay Word of the Week: crochet.

Yes, I'm taking it there. In honor of my newfound adoration for the art of crocheting, I'm making it the gay word of the week. There are so many things that are intensely homosexual about crocheting:
- you do it with a needle, and the bigger it is the better it is to handle... we've all heard that before.
- it's a form of art, making it innately queer
- you have to be good with your hands to do it right (HOT)
- the word "crochet" is French, and French men are all hard to figure out because they dress the same whether they're straight or queer.
- I feel an inner peace when I crochet, just as I do at the Pride Parade.

So there you have it- crochet. Embrace it. Happy times.

And now ladies and germs, the moment we've all been waiting for with breath that is abated, for better or worse, ready or not, it is time for:

Luis' Thing of the Week: Drama At the Bar

As many of you may or may not know, I love human beings the most when they're intoxicated in public. It's absolutely fascinating to see people act a fool and express themselves fully and honestly, free of any inhibitions. When people are drunk they show you not their alter ego but their actual ego- the sluts comes out to play, the repressed get mad at the world, people wear their daddy issues on their sleeve, some cry over an ex that they secretly haven't let go of, people who are in extreme debt drink themselves into a deeper hole hoping it'll feel better... just amazing! Then there's the bartender, who could be ugly like baboon ass but they're the hottest person in the whole bar because they give out drinks, so suddenly everyone believes in god and god definitely has Gray Goose in her/his hand. Then there's the issue of the bathroom at bars. "Men" and "Women" signs start to mean shit after midnight and people's innate mammal instinct starts to kick in because everyone takes turns peeing on the floor and don't bother washing their hands. The bar is the perfect place to stop and observe human beings at their prime. But, what happens in a situation where you have a combination of people expressing their mammal instincts and being free of their inhibitions? You have all the ingredients of a fierce drama stew. Drama at the bar is unlike drama anywhere else, and that's quite honestly why I continue to hang out at bars (well... that and alcohol and the likelihood of getting my booty felt- heeeeeey!). Drama at the bar is unlike drama at the school yard- people in bars will bite, scream, punch, pinch, scratch each other's eyes out... AND hook up in bathroom stalls. Fun! My favorite bar drama ends in people yelling and screaming and getting kicked out and then having all kinds of trouble hailing a cab- I live for watching a hot mess in distress. Here are other reasons why I love bars:
- if you look good enough you don't have to pay for your own drinks, so it's a social space that affirms and perpetuates a truth I firmly believe in: if you're pretty you can get anything and go anywhere in life.
- condoms are free so you never leave empty-handed.
- you don't have to know anyone to go to a bar- everyone's your friend after midnight!
- they always have fun postcards by the bathroom... again, no one leaves empty-handed.
- if a beer company is at a bar promoting a new product then drinks are on them!
- many bars put out chips or peanuts... so if you're ever poor you can go to a bar, make nice with someone and have them buy you a drink, then pig out on snacks! And who said you couldn't be fabulous and homeless at the same time?
- people give away cigarettes pretty easily when they're drunk, so again if you're poor and you have an addiction you don't have to worry!
- there are usually mirrors all over the place in bars (at the bar, by the bathroom, in the bathroom) so if you're vain you'll always have a good time!
- rubber duckies!!!!!!!!

So there you have it folks- the latest edition of the Thing of the Week. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I thoroughly enjoyed writing it.

Always crocheting with a fat needle (HOT),
L

The day after payday

2007-12-11T14:09:00.000-05:00

... when it's all gone.

Winter makes me feel...

2007-12-06T14:09:00.000-05:00

... like this.

My Thing of the Week- Week 11

2007-12-05T11:34:00.000-05:00

Hello dears and queers,

Happy December! I'm sure by now all of you have had your "holy shit 2007 is almost over!" moment. My "holy shit" moment hit me like a bag of bricks because it was coupled with my "omg it's the holidays!" moment. But have no fear, as long as you're cute and your bills are paid then this will all be a breeze... or so I've convinced myself.

Before getting down to business, there are some housekeeping matters that need attention:
1) I officially reside in Jackson Heights, Queens as of Saturday December 1st. The moving process was incredibly exhausting but very, very smooth. Nothing was broken or lost in the process (except for my back and patience, respectively), and with the exception of a box of clothes I'm pretty much unpacked and set up. Watch. Out. Any of you are welcome to visit me- I'll totally feed you when you visit. Let me highlight some things I've learned/discovered so far:
- I still can't memorize my new zip code for the life of me. I might write it on a card and keep it in my wallet.
- There's a 24 hour supermarket 3 blocks from my apartment, which it great because I tend to need something at random moments.
- The F train is no fuckin' joke in the morning... my days of always finding a seat on the train in the morning are over.
- There's a 24 hour Korean BBQ place around the corner from my apartment... but something tells me they're not so 24 hours.
- My neighbors are Caribbean Latino and Korean... so it always smells like food when you walk in the building.
- I have a KitchenAid mixer in my kitchen, so I feel a step closer to Nirvana.
2) My hair is gone, for those of you who haven't seen me recently. After growing my hair out for a year I found that there was nothing more I could do with it and it was getting expensive and time-consuming to manage it... so I cut it all off. Watch. Out. Luis. Spears.
3) I have a job interview this week, which I'm excited about because a) I'm over my current job, and b) I look PHENOMENAL in a suit... from the "P" to the "L".

Whew! OK. Moving on. It's now time for this week's

GAY WORD OF THE WEEK : hypotenuse.
Every gay man has his revelation while sitting in algebra or trigonometry in junior high school. There's something about the word "hypotenuse" that just hits a chord deep inside that wakes a gay man up to his gayness and concurrently to the queerness of mathematics. If you look up what a hypotenuse is, it's the longest side of a triangle... and since queers are all secretly size queens, it makes sense that we'd be attracted to the longest side of a triangle. Plus working with triangles, ipso facto... need I say more? Hypotenuse.

Fun. Times.

And now... the moment you've all been waiting for since finding out you were an accident OR since you opened your eyes this morning...

My Thing of the Week: Telling People About Themselves.

My dears, let's establish something... and I hope I clarify some things for you: I don't like people. Yes, it's true. Although I'm absolutely fascinated by human beings I can't actually stand them. People know me as someone who's sociable and lovable... but my dirty little secret (well... one of them...HOT) is that I don't like people. They're annoying. They're crazy. They require too much attention, thus taking my attention from what's really important to me: me... and by "me" I mean myself and my loved ones... but mostly myself. Let me help you better understand why I can't stand people, especially needy coworkers.

Have you ever been sitting at your desk, focused as all hell, trying to wrap up a project because you have a deadline and you need to move on with your life, and then you get a knock on the door or a call from a coworker who's about to have a crisis? Usually, you'll find, it's a crisis about a tiny detail that sooooo insignificant (like the use of a comma in a sentence or sticking to a rule or protocol that's very clear and straightforward) but to them it's life altering? Next thing you know you're being sucked into a whole conversation about how hard their life is- they walk you through what a bad morning they had, then they walk you through the whole process they went through trying to get their project done... and before you know it 30 minutes have gone by and you still aren't as far along in your own project as you needed to be AND you've got 10 e-mails and 3 text messages that need your attention. Your coworker, on the other hand, insists on babbling on.

So what do you do to get a needy coworker off your back? Well it's very simple actually- you tell them about themselves. That's right. Let's stop and assess the nature of your relationship to this person: they are your coworker, and your interaction with them is limited to whatever professional endeavor the both of you have to collaborate on. If you're not friends with the person and you have no honest interest in how hard their life is and it has nothing to do with the project/task at hand, then stop them while they're in the middle of babbling, and tell them about themselves. Let's use a dramatization... just 'cause they're fun:
Person A: "So I was trying to get here on time this morning but of course there's a sick passenger at 42nd Street and the trains are all backed up... so finally I get here, 35 minutes late, and I check my e-mail and she needed this done right away and..."
Person B: "Just stop, please."
Person A: ::taken aback:: "I'm sorry...?"
Person B: "I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to ask you to just stop. When you came over here I was clearly busy. In case you haven't noticed we're not friends, so I don't need to sit here and talk you through your life problems. Also, I have my own work to do. You had a question, I answered it politely, we're done. I never asked for your life story because just like you I have deadlines. If your life is really that hard, then take down my therapists' phone number. I just can't right now."
Person A: ::walks away, told about themselves::

Now, if you know me well you know I'm bold as all hell. So yes, to answer your question, I would and I have uttered those words to my coworkers. The fun part about telling them about themselves is they never come to you with their life problems ever again AND they develop a healthy combination of respect and fear for you. Your mystique level goes up in the workplace because word got around that you told so-and-so about themselves, and suddenly your whole professional life comes together- people see that you mean business and have a life... and they liketed dat shyt. Here are other reasons I thoroughly enjoy telling people about themselves:
- it's a stress reliever
- it's the purest form of honesty
- the look on people's faces when they're being told about themselves is just PRICELESS
- some people really need to be told about themselves, so when you do so you're doing the world a favor, hence you win by telling people about themselves
- it's empowering to tell someone about themselves because you realize that as hard as your life is there are other people out there who are just hopeless hot cups of mess
- telling people about themselves reduces the overall drama in your life, so it follows logically that quality of life is directly proportionate to your willingness to tell people about themselves

So there you have it, my dears, the 11th edition of my Thing of the Week. I'm incredibly excited to be bringing you this piece in light of everything that's happened in my life in the last week. As always, I encourage you to share my blog with everyone in your life.

All about the hypotenuse,
L

Lucky boy

2007-11-28T10:51:00.000-05:00

I keep these up at work to remind me I have everything I want in life.

This. Happened.

2007-11-26T18:33:00.000-05:00

Please add to my wish list

2007-11-26T18:10:00.000-05:00

* 10th Edition of My Thing of the Week- Weeks 9 and 10 *

2007-11-26T11:57:00.000-05:00

Hello dears and queers,

I hope this message finds everyone in good spirts and good health and all that other crunchy granola stuff that makes people sound warm and fuzzy. How was everyone's Thanksgiving? Feeling fat yet? I know... it's hard being festive but look on the bright side- you don't have to worry about what you look like for 2 more seasons. For now all you do is layer up and blame the extra pounds on the layers of clothing. Totz brill.

As you all know by now, I was in bed for a couple of days with stomach/flu issues (and if you didn't know then now's the time to feel bad and reply "aww poor thing!" and make it up to me). I'm happy to say that I'm feeling better, but I kinda miss being sickies. In a crazy and demented way I actually enjoyed being sick- I had every excuse for not stepping up to certain responsibilities and I got to sit back and nap and watch TV while sipping Gatorade for my dear life. And let's not forget I got all the attention I asked for, I got to play all the Nintendo I wanted, and I didn't have to worry too much about what my hair looked like. Fun. Times. I may conveniently get sick again sometime after New Years... we'll call it a long hangover.

So, having had the sickies last week I was unable to produce the Thing of the Week... sorry to leave you hanging... and seeing as how this week marks the 10th week of my Thing of the Week, I figured I'd make it special- A DOUBLE FEATURE! How amazing is life that you get 2-for-1 this week? Be. Excited. And also be ready to do a lot of reading....

And now some housekeeping matters to tend to:
1) OneRepublic is officially on my list of favorite bands. Their new album is PHENOMENAL, from the "P" to the "L". I'm completely blown away by them, and their song "Say (All I Need)" is my new life theme song. I suggest you all check it out, especially that song- it just rocks my socks in ways I can't articulate in any language I speak.
2) I'll be moving to Queens this weekend. Watch. Out. Mind you, I don't know Queens to save my life and I'm so used to telling people I live Uptown that I don't know what to say now- Sidetown? Queens? "Queens" falls short of "The Bronx"... I'm losing a word... we may have to adjust and tell people I live in "L'Queens" or something. I've already moved some of my stuff into the apartment so I'm officially half there, half in the Bronx... which means my current mailing address is "Triboro Bridge, NY". HOT.
3) Super Mario Galaxy for the Nintendo Wii is the best thing to happen to my life since baby wipes. Watch. Out.

Moving right along... as promised, this is a double feature, so we have 2 servings of:

GAY WORD OF THE WEEK
Week 9- cornucopia... 'cause it was Thanksgiving week! This one is a little obvi, but for those of you who need a little help, let's explain why this one is inherently gay.
- you can put fruit in it.
- its conjugation can be used to describe things that are fruity. Let's use it in a sentence: "He is all kinds of cornucopious with his skinny jeans and bitchy shoes."
- its shape is a bit phallic.

Week 10- sizzle... 'cause it's HOT. At first glance you can't see how this word is gay... it looks like perhaps it's bisexual but not totally gay. Well, consider this- if you say the word slowly making effort to articulate each letter, it's gayness should bounce right off of your tongue like pop rocks candy. Sizzle. Let's use it in a sentence: "The guy in the locker room made me sizzle after I checked his sweaty pecks." Sizzle. Fun, right?

Fun times. And, just when you thought it was all over, I hit you with:

My Thing of the Week
This is all very exciting.

Week 9- Fashion Reality Shows. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I find human beings to be fascinating creatures and I devote a lot of my free time to observing them and understanding patterns of human behavior. I'm also fascinated by the fashion industry because they take something as simple as a dress and make melodramatic statements out of them. The fashion industry is a double-edge sword because when you get to the core of it, it's not that serious and anything can be deemed in or out so long as 2 or more people agree upon it... and yet its so serious that the industry has global power unlike any other industry. I've come to the conclusion that the fashion industry is the result of the manifestation of human insecurity- the need to have power (which doesn't actually exist), to feel beautiful (which actually doesn't require anyone's consensus), to have purpose (which is understandable), to express oneself freely (which is contradicted by the function of consensus- if 2 or more people say you're ugly, then you're ugly and your expression is shut down). Fashion reality shows (such as "America's Next Top Model" and "Project Runway", my new fav) capture the very essence of the industry- you see a bunch of insecure people looking to acquire power and express their creativity just splatter all of themselves out there for the world to see... and then you get some really interesting drama! Everything from name calling to backstabbing to straight up cat fights... these shows just really capture the true byproduct of the industry- it's not about the clothes, it's about dramatic people needing to feed on drama. And yes- I thoroughly enjoy watching these shows and I totally get sucked into them. Just. Fascinating. Here are more reasons why I love the fashion industry:
- they have their own lingo and totally personify clothing. For example, if someone creates a really nice jacket, they'll say "I feel like this garment is just really accomplished...." It's always a garment... and it's always accomplished.
- you don't need a brain to get very far in this industry- you just need consensus... as demonstrated on "America's Most Smartest Model"
- ugly people get away with being cute, which is really the biggest perk of the industry because anywhere else in life you're stuck being ugly if you're ugly

OK... take a breather... 'cause I still got more.

Week 10- The Politics of Doors on the Subway. Now, I recognize that this isn't the first time I bring up a subway experience as a Thing of the Week, and I certainly don't mean to play subways out in my writing. The thing is that riding the subway makes us quintessential New Yorkers, and deep down we all know that the culture of subway riding is so complex and so integral to ubanite lived experience that there is so much that could be said about riding the subway. Whether we're able to articulate it or not, we're all well aware that there is a certain etiquette to riding the subway. We also know how to respond to people when they stand in our immediate space and we understand that every space of the subway car has a defined social script. Well, I'd like to revisit the politics of the doors on the subway because I'm starting to get concerned that people out there have lost sight of some important rules. First of all, if someone is standing by the door on the train, that means they want to not only be out of people's way but they want to retain a certain amount of autonomy- by standing by the door you don't have worry about bumping into people and excusing yourself, or bother holding on to anything, or push anyone over accidentally when the train jerks or makes a sudden stop... you basically ride the train, stand by the door, and are just sitting out the sidelines of the whole riding experience. Secondly, there are 2 doors per opening in the car... hence 2 people have a spot by the door at any given opening. Why the hell do some people insist on standing between people who are already standing by the door? The monkey in the middle syndrome, as I'd like to call it, places the monkey in a position that compromises the entire of experience of door hugging- that person is bouncing back n' forth between people, that have nothing to hold on to immediately if the train jerks suddenly, and they take away from the autonomy that is afforded when you stand by the door. Thirdly, if the train isn't crowded and someone is already standing by the door and you clearly don't fit by the door, stay the fuck away. Nothing grinds my gears more than people who want to grab a pole by the door when I'm already standing there, standing 2 inches from my face when there's a whole lot of space elsewhere in the car. Unless you're getting ready to get off the train, there's no reason to inconvenience someone standing by the door. Fourthly, if you're going to stand by the door you have to be ready to step aside to let people in and out the train. I understand the need to stand by the door... I ain't mad about that... but I can't stand when I'm trying to get on or off and someone is standing by the door and won't budge. People who insist on doing that should have their eyes scratched out... well... OK, just a little.... Here are more reasons why standing by the door is great:
- you can check your reflection on the window before getting off the train to make sure your hair is in check
- if you're standing by the door you can get the best view of everyone on the train, and, inversely, they get a good view of you.
- if you're dead tired and/or hungover and you can't get a seat, you can always nap by leaning on the door

And there you have it folks... the 10th edition of the Thing of the Week. As the weeks have progressed it's been all so very fun writing the Thing of the Week and getting feedback from folks. I'm happy to announce that change is on the horizon. Be excited, as there are new features that are going to be added- change is always great. We may even have some guests in future editions... maybe some pictures... it's about to get really fun!

Always cornucopious,
L

Just 'cause I can

2007-11-17T22:46:00.000-05:00

I'm so thrilled that I've figured out how to post pics directly from
my iPhone to my blog, that I decided to make it a double feature
today- life is so great that way.

This was taken at a diner on 204th St. in the Bronx. It's so special
I can't help but share it with the world.

Mind you this is posted on the cash register as you leave the joint.
What if this had been my first time there?

Watch. Out.

2007-11-17T22:21:00.001-05:00

I finally figured out how to post pictures on my blog directly from my iPhone, hence my life feels exponentially better. This means I'll be posting a whole host of fun, crazy, and quirky pictures- watch the fuck out! To kick off the new photo movement, here's a pic I took last night:

My Thing of the Week- Week 8

2007-11-12T16:46:00.000-05:00

Hi dears and queers,

I hope everyone is warm and cozy because as you can see, Winter is creeping up on us like so good. I'm Caribbean so the Winter is like kryptonite or tax season- I get extra bitchy and give in to retail therapy to get me through. On the plus side, Winter means wearing cute sweaters, a host of holidays AKA reasons to overeat and of course it's the best time of the year to make like ferrets and cuddle up. Watch. Out.

Before getting down to business, a couple of housekeeping matters to tend to:
1) I've kicked my addiction to the new Britney Spears album... I've gone from listening to it all day, every day to listening to it just twice a day.... OK fine- 3 times a day... sheesh....
2) My new addiction in life is baked cajun sweet potato fries, a little something I came up with this afternoon while playing in the kitchen.
3) I love 3-day weekends so much that I took tomorrow off to keep the momentum going.

Great, now that that's over, let's proceed with the next order of business,

Gay Word of the Week- Pixie

I know, I know- fun right? Pixie is hella gay and it has soooo many uses! It can be used to describe someone's behavior ("That bytch is sooo pixie I could throw up in her face"), how cute something is ("OMG your outfit is soooo pixie! I want one like it!"), your mood ("I have the runs... I'm not feeling very pixie right now...")... it's just a really versatile word, almost as versatile as confused bisexual men who are still in the experimental phase. Fun! And what's even cooler is that it has history to it as it derives from Celtic mythology- yeah Tinkerbell! And y'all thought gay words had no intellectual fiber to them....

Pressing forward, I'd like to stop and introduce the runner up Thing of the Week only because one of my biggest fans (Jacob) proposed it and it moved me so much I couldn't disregard it. The runner up- "People Who Hit 'Reply All' Unnecessarily In An E-mail". Now, when this was first proposed to me it provoked an intense emotional reaction because I certainly am ticked off with people who insist on hitting "Reply All" in an e-mail when they really mean to reply to just one person- I don't need to be included in anyone's personal conversation unless they're talking shit about someone, in which case I'm all over the gossip like gravy on biscuits. I didn't understand that it was Thing of the Week material until my friend shared a story with me about how her coworker hit "Reply All" in an e-mail to a client and apologized to his client for delays in a project, saying "I can't get these niggers to work fast enough"- sure enough 2 of the people who received the e-mail were black and now that company is getting some legal heat under their asses. This story illustrated how this proposed Thing of the Week is significant, but alas it didn't quite make it as Thing of the Week... but that's not to say I won't be one day! Watch. Out.

And now... the moment you've all been waiting for since your last HIV scare OR since you found out Santa isn't real OR since you read the first sentence of this:

My Thing of the Week- Japanese Game Shows

This Thing of the Week came to me after spending 7 and 1/2 hours watching an "Iron Chef America" marathon on the Food Network yesterday. Japanese people have such an interesting perspective on life that I almost want to be Japanese myself, only I can't stand crowds so I can be in overpopulated places (says the boy living in NYC... yeah... I took it there....). While laying in bed last night I thought of a couple of guys I'd like to sleep with again, but I also reflected on my summer in Japan and the crazy amount of TV I watched, just trying to soak in their culture and their humor. American game shows have a very clear purpose- entertain, give away money and prizes, get people excited. Japanese game shows also serve the same purpose, only they take it to a whole new level that reaches the far corners of people's imaginations. In the US you answer a question in the form of a question or spin the wheel and pick a letter and you're good to go- people clap for you, you win prizes, good times. In Japan they want you to recite tongue twisters with the threat of getting pounded in the balls if you mess up, or jump into a tub of scalding hot water and hit the button at the bottom with your ass to make a vibrating machine go off to see how many times you can make a girls breasts jiggle, or get strapped into a machine that spins you around until you're dizzy as fuck and then make you box someone else (who is also dizzy from being strapped in) while standing on a balance beam. The Japanese don't want to just give you money and prizes- they want to make sure they get their yens worth out of you and laugh their asses off before sending you home with your prize. I love Japanese culture because it's unlike any other, and it's no surprise that American media does what it can to capitalize on their ideas. Here are other aspects of Japanese culture that I enjoy:
a) They're big on Dr. Scholl's products
b) People are hired to push other people onto the subways because it's so damn crowded
c) When you pay at a store, no one will give you money in your hand- they wear rubber gloves and place your change in a tray. They take germaphobia to the next level.
d) People never make direct eye contact with you when you ride public transportation and even though it's super crowded all the time everywhere you go
e) They take fashion to a whole other level and as you walk down the streets in Tokyo you can't help feel like you're walking towards a Pride Parade or the Halloween Parade in the Village.
f) If you don't sip your ramen really loud at a noodle shop, the cook will give you the evilest look ever and they could care less if you're of a different phenotype- you don't sip, they'll take it personally and get in your face
g) Businessmen have Pokemon stickers on their phones... and half of them are bald.
h) There are at least 5 vending machines and a convenience store on the face of each block in Tokyo, and they all carry Playstation games, antibacterial wipes, cigarettes and Kewpie mayonnaise- just in case it's 4 in the morning and the supermarket is closed you just happen to need mayonnaise.

My biggest wish in life is that we adopt more of Japanese culture here in the US, not just game shows like "Iron Chef".

And there you have it my dears and queers, the latest edition of the Thing of the Week. If you're interested in checking out Japanese game shows and never have before you can YouTube them- no worries about not speaking Japanese, you don't really need to in order to get what's happening... plus you won't believe what's going on and you'll be laughing too hard to care that it's all in Japanese.

Stay pixie,
L

P.S. Don't forget to share this with all your friends, especially the ones going somewhere in lives and who just might know someone who will publish my writing. Thanks.

Waiting rooms

2007-11-09T10:59:00.000-05:00

So I'm at the doctor's office for a check up because I look hot but I
need to make sure I'm healthy too. Anyone who knows me knows that a) I'm impatient and b) I hate the smell of sterile things. I'm a New Yorker- I'm used to things happening at a fast pace and smelling like grime. A waiting room in a doctor's office is inconsistent with my perspective on the world, thus causing me discomfort (and I swear I never took a psychology course in my life... maybe I'll consider a 3rd career in life....). The thing that gets to me is that you just never know why people are here- the chick sitting next to you could have a yeast infection while the hot guy you keep playing the looking game with could have crabs (then you say eww to yoursel and realize it's not cute to holla at someone in a docs office). Then it dawns on you that the people around you are probably having the same thoughts about you and so you become overwhelmingly self-conscious and try your best to look normal and healthy so no one suspects you for having erectile dysfunction or hemroids. And although the seats in the room are set up to face each other you'll usually find an assortment of magazines and TV in a waiting room so that people have excuses for not making eye contact... but that's not enough to distract you from thoughts of the staff secretly laughing to themselves because they can see in your chart that you've gotten an HIV test done every 6 months, religiously, so you look like a slut. When all is said and done you leave the office relieved because it's over and you can breathe knowing you've escaped waiting-room-scrutiny... but you can't get the image of the old lady readjusting her dentures out of your head and you settle for a salad for lunch- simple and not slimey.

*Sent from my iPhone*

Flip flops are over

2007-11-07T17:36:00.000-05:00

My best friend Jai has brought this matter to my attention and I'm noticing a pandemic so I feel compelled to speak on it. Here's the bottom line- flip flop are over. It's muthafuckin' November 7th- why are people wearing them like it's cute? It's cold!!! The thing that blows my mind is the some people (like the guy sitting across from me on the 2 train as I write this) insist on bundling up- coat, scarf, courderoy pants- which is a clear recognition that's it's cold... and yet they wear flip flops like it's mid-June n' shyt. Where are people going/coming from that they think it's cute to do that? To add insult to injury, some people think that because it's not summer that it's OK to wear flip flops but not get a pedicure. Ain't that some shit? I know I shouldn't talk because my feet aren't all that cute... but that's why you won't catch my ass walking around in flip flops. I went to school in New England, so I was witness to people walking around in flip flops in the dead of winter through a foot of snow... and then they had the nerve to be upset when they got sick... but I just never understood why people didn't think to put shoes on. I mean, I could understand if you're too lazy to put socks on and/or tie your shoes... but if you're that serious about being lazy then get some muthafuckin' slip-ons... like old-school skippies. I think if I had nothing better to do I'd stop each flip flopper and tell them about themselves. We'll add this to my "To Do" list for when I'm old and senile.

*Sent from my iPhone*

Thing of the Week- Week 7

2007-11-06T23:27:00.000-05:00

Hot off the press- my latest Thing of the Week e-mail.

Be. Excited.

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Hello dears and queers,

Happy 2nd week of November AKA "OMG it's almost winter" week AKA "OMG 2007 is almost over" week! We have so much to look forward to in the last 7 weeks of this year:
- Veteran's day (yeah 3-day weekend! 4-day if you're clever like me and took Tuesday off)
- Madonna's new album (AKA the hag of all hags- we all live for that bitch)
- Thanksgiving (or as B and I like to call it, "that day when it's OK to pig out in public the way we do")
- Black Friday (which has nothing to with black people, per say)
- Alvin Ailey Dance Theater Company (this will be the 10th year I see them perform- go me!)
- Drunken Salvation Army Santas all around 34th Street (HOT!)
- Christmas Eve (which is important because if you're ESL like W, B and me you don't wait 'til Christmas morning to open gifts- you open them bitches up at 11:59PM on Christmas Eve)
- Christmas (which is a clever holiday because all the kids are distracted playing with their toys while you live out your hangover)
- New Years (which is when you drink a lot to drown out the fact that another year went by and you're still a smoking, fat nymphomaniac with commitment issues. Man I LOVE resolutions!)

Before I continue, let's point out that this is the 7th Thing of the Week message, there are 7 people in the e-mail list (including myself) and there are exactly 7 weeks left to this year today. That makes the Thing of the Week a serendipitous occurrence in our lives. It's become quite the hit, and it's changed all of our lives in ways we're still unable to articulate. For this reason (and because I hope to get discovered for my writing one day), I ask that you please forward this e-mail to 7 people that you know... preferably the ones who are going somewhere in their lives. But if HAS to be 7 people. Thanks.

Now, before announcing the Thing of the Week we have some items on the agenda that need to be sorted out:
1) I'm addicted to Britney Spears' album and will need an intervention in 4.37 days... otherwise I'll feel compelled to shave my head and get blonde extensions for New Years.
2) JN is my favorite person of the week this week because she's always rockin' my socks and I've hung out with her a total of 2.3 times.
3) A gets a special shout out for flight attending/attending a flight for the first time this past weekend. Watch. Out.
4) G wins for having shared all those blonde jokes and Halloween jokes with us last week- totally added positivity to our days.
5) JG is leaving for vacation this weekend so he gets a "Bon Voyage" shimmy. Watch me go.... ::shimmies::
6) B and I will be living together in JG's absence which means we'll be gaining weight, playing tons of patty cake AND by the time we're done we'll be speaking broken English. Watch. Out.
7) W and I went to couples therapy yesterday to work out some of our issues... and by couples therapy I mean we had a "Weeds" marathon... and I'm happy to say we're a happy couple again... and by couple I mean "dysfunctional friendship unit"... and by "happy" I mean "we didn't scratch each other's eyes out". To show how much I love him I made his shout out the 7th item on the agenda for the 7th Thing of the Week e-mail.
8) I've been listening to Britney Spears' album the whole time I've been typing this. The shit is like crack... only without the threat of cardiac arrest.
9) I'm obsessed with the new Gucci cologne and if I don't have it soon I might act up... and by act up I mean stop by Macy's on my way to work every morning to spray myself with the tester bottle. Watch. Out.

Pressing forward ever so lightly, I'd like to introduce this week's...

Gay Word of the Week- Mississippi.

This one is JG's favorite gay words... could be because he's southern, could be because it's fun to say... who knows. But one this is for sure- there are "S"'s for days in "Mississippi", making it perfect to incorporate into a drag performance. Here's an example:
Queen A: "Where you be from gurl?"
Queen B: "Child I's from Mississippi."
Queen A: ::laughs uncontrollably:: "Ooo gurl you got me hollerin' like a stuck pig."

Fun, right? HOT.

And now the moment we've all been waiting for since realizing the promise of world maps in public school classrooms was a distraction...

My Thing of the Week- White People Who Beast For A Seat On The Subway Only To Get Off At the Next Stop

Let's stop and note that this is the first Thing of the Week that's a "pattern of behavior". The Thing of the Week has become so complex that we've progressed from Things that are nouns and verbs to patterns of behavior- all the more reason why our dependence on the Thing of the Week has strengthened.

Now, before elaborating I have to establish a couple of things-
a) I'm Puerto Rican from the South Bronx and lightest person in my family, so I didn't have much exposure to white people until going to college... hence American white peoples are fascinating to me and I devote a lot of my people-watching to studying and understanding their patterns of behavior and their interaction.
b) For those of you who don't know what it means to "beast", it means to be really greedy and inconsiderate. Example: say there's one cookie left in the cookie jar and I snatch it really quickly before B gets to it, she can then turn to me and say "Damn L you beastin' son!!!"

Now, allow me to elaborate. Since I was a child (which was all of like last week), I've been riding the 2 train to and from everywhere in life. I'm such a fan of the 2 train that I created a theory that you can get anywhere in the city by riding the 2 train and not transferring more than once; it's the backbone of the subway system in NYC. Having grown up in the same projects as Big Pun and Fat Joe, we can legitimately say I'm from the 'hood, which means that white people don't exist until the 2 train pulls up to the station at 135th Street in Harlem (when I was in high school they didn't exist until 96th Street- times have certainly changed). Every morning there's a select bunch of white folks who get on at 96th Street on the Upper West Side who are so intent on getting a seat on the train (which is already crowded with folks from the Bronx and Harlem) that they rush in as soon as the doors open, before anyone gets a chance to step out of the train. These beasters are so set on getting a seat on the train that they will push, shove, stomp on you, fight each other off and worst of all- squeeze their fat asses into a 2-inch gap between people... all for a seat. Then there's a ritual- they look around with an "AND WHAT!?!" expression on their face as a means of asserting themselves and their entitlement to a seat, open up their NY Times and fold it into quarters, and then they check the time. As the train trails along the express track and they cozy up into their seats, people around them readjust themselves unaware that these folks are planning to get off at the next stop. When 72nd Street rolls around the beasters will wait for the train to come to a complete stop and then sprint up and shove their way out off the train, and while the people who were standing are preoccupied cursing them out for beastin' the way they did, the next set of beasters- who are versed as all hell in stealth- creep up in the trains and take these seats. It's like musical chairs only you replace the fun music with a melody of "FUCK YOU!" and "COÑO!"

A couple of reasons why beasters make me laugh:
1) They're usually neurotic post-menopausal women whose clothes are mismatched
2) They're aggressive and assertive but they're scared of loud brown people
3) They huff and puff the whole time like they can't be bothered with people on the train, unaware that they live in NYC AKA the center of the universe
4) They usually succumb to politeness because in their mad rush to beast for the seat they drop half their newspaper on the floor and everyone looks at them like the hot messes they are
5) Because seat beastin' is an expression of untamable neurosis, beasters will often have their right headphone in their left ear and and their left headphone in their right ear

So there you have it, the latest Thing of the Week. I promise you that if you didn't notice beasters before you'll notice them now... unless you're like B and you walk to work in the morning... and by walk I mean "cab it for all 6.2 blocks". HOT.

Mississippi,
L

I LOVE spam!

2007-11-02T15:32:00.001-04:00

Wait pause- I'm not talking about the food. I'm talking about the random e-mails that show up in your e-mail. They're always soooo entertaining! Allow me to share this message from today:

Hello. Iam going to inform you of something that you really need to hear. I
am not going to beat around the bush, I will just get straight to the point.
Less than 26% of women can achieve climax from engaging in intercourse
alone.This means that most women are left unsatisfied.

You may think that you rock her bedroom world but truth is told, you don't!

Don't worry though, we have something that can help
http://Suzanne7186.googlepages.com

Lee

merely to pay benefits, but to care
the widow or widower for several
after bereavement, providing nurses, psychological counseling

They're fuckin' hilarious- they think I'm straight! AND they provide psychological counseling! How can people not get excited about spam!?

(yes, I've ODed on leftover Halloween candy)

I had to stop and share....

2007-10-31T09:14:00.000-04:00

It's Halloween and this is NYC, so of course you're going to see the most random people on the subways with the most random costumes and make up (as if half of them need this holiday as an excuse). There was one guy in particular I kept staring at (and yes, to someone else I probably looked like I was missing a chromosome or something) and I couldn't figure out what he was trying to do for the life of me. He had white spots on the side of his mouth and chin and he wore shades. He got on the train in Harlem and ended up getting off at Times Square. At 72nd Street a young woman standing next to him leans in and whispers something to him, and he immediately checked his reflection on the window and started rubbing his face. Everyone around him was giggling to themselves, and it suddenly occurred to me: toothpaste.

Mess.

Doll lady

2007-10-30T17:42:00.000-04:00

I'm on the R train on my way to an appointment and I can't help but
stare at a lady sitting across from me because her features are so
defined and eccentric that she looks like a doll. But not just any
doll- I'm talking about those dolls you tip over to make their eyes
close when you want them to go to sleep. When she blinks I swear she
does it with the movement of the train- bobble bobble, blink blink.
Of course I have a looking problem so I can't help but keep staring
and subtlety is so impossible I might as well use a bullhorn an
announce that she looks like a doll to me. Of course she notices that
I'm looking at her but to my surprise she starts grinning and looking
back. I start to feel bad because she thinks she's being checked out
in the typical sense but she's clueless to the fact that I'm observing
her more than admiring her. It makes me wonder if guys have done that
to me- maybe half the time I think I'm getting checked out I'm
actually being observed for being the weirdo in the bunch. Hmmm....

Good thing homegirl got off the train. Who knows that she was
thinking about me... I hope she didn't walk away disappointed.

*Sent from my iPhone*

My Thing of the Week- Week 6

2007-10-30T14:44:00.000-04:00

As promised, hot off the press.

------

Happy Day-Before-The-Last-Day-Of-The-Month! I know you're thinking "didn't he just post a Thing of the Week?" but you probably didn't realize that I submitted my Thing of the Week late last week because life happened. But if you think of things as "glass half full" you should be excited to get another one of these e-mails so soon! How fun!

Now, let's clear some items on the agenda:
1) This is our 6th Thing of the Week- I FINALLY figured it out after swimming around my inbox.
2) ... "swimming around my inbox" is an interesting visual.
3) Britney Spears' album is being released today and I didn't know until yesterday. My life is busy.
4) Can someone explain to me the deal with apostrophes after a word ending with the letter "S"? See, I was taught that if the word ends with the letter "S" and you want to make it possessive, you write the apostrophe after the "S". For example, "This is Luis' block of cheddar cheese." Lately, I've been seeing instances in books and newspapers where people will write and apostrophe and an "S" after a word ending in "S". For example, "Luis's underwear matches his shirt today." Someone please school me because my NYC public education seems to be failing me.
5) It's cold.
6) G won this weekend when she visited us from out of town... and by own of town I mean Boston... and by Boston I mean the North Pole.
7) After careful consideration of B's appeal, I have deliberated and reached a verdict- JG continues to be my favorite person of the week, AND B wins for making excellent use of the appeal process.
8) W has been missing from my life and I don't know how to feel about that.
9) A e-mailed me over the weekend and has thus redeemed herself.
10) J has been doing a great job of keeping up with e-mails- homegirl knows how to covah her buttah, hence her introduction to our circle of dysfunction.

Now, before getting to our Feature Presentation (or Main Course if you think like Beverly and me), I'd like to formally introduce the new feature for our e-mails- Gay Word of the Week. After lengthy discussion over steak and 3 episodes of "Little People, Big World" last night, B and I decided that it was time to share our Gay Dictionary with the world. Thus, we bring you,

Gay Word of the Week- bubbles and doilies.

We just wanted to point out that this is such a monumental movement in our lives that we felt the need to introduce 2 words for our grand introduction. Why are these words gay, you ask? Well, let me explain.

Doilies is gay because duh. Bubbles is gay because it could pass for a drag name. These are both in the "gay" category because if you say them gayly and emphasize the ends of the words they come out naturally gay. Try it!

And now... the moment we've all been waiting for since Pee Wee Herman was arrested for masturbating in public OR since the inception of the idea for the fanny pack:

My Thing of the Week- Walking On The Right

Let's first note that this is the first Thing of the Week that's a verb. Talk about progressive thinking.

Have you ever walked down the street and you see a person walking along the same path as you and either they don't move out of your way or they move in the same direction as you thus not getting out of your way? That shit is hella annoying. It gets even worse when the person ends up walking right into you and you have that awkward interaction with a 2-inch gap between you. Sometimes, the person will give YOU attitude like you're in THEIR way, when clearly they're the dumbass that didn't move out the way. Moments like those make me want to tell the person about themselves and then slap them to sleep when they try to talk back. Now, the thing that stresses me out is that in my public schooling I learned that when you're right you're right. Period. It even sorta rhymes so it's hard to forget. In elementary school we were taught to always stick to our right when walking up or down stairs, through the hall, and just about anywhere else in life. PLUS as a society we all drive on the right side of the road. I was a sociology major, so I know all about social contracts and group dynamics and patterns of behavior, so I don't care where you come from in life- we drive on the right and in the subways the "up" arrow on the stairs is always on your right, so even if you're British you should think rightly after roaming the street for a minute. Right? Right. AND I'm left-handed but I still stick to my right... ain't no excuse. People are stupid... they're just not right (tee hee hee!).

Here are some interesting tidbits about walking on the right:
a) If you're on the right side of the street and you stick to your right, you're least likely to get hit by a car but more likely to get shat on by a pigeon.
b) If you're on the right side of the street and you stick to your right it makes it easier to window shop.
c) If you stay to the right when going down the stairs in the subway you're least likely to get trampled over.
d) When I Googled "walking stay right" I got a link to an organization called "Sustainable South Bronx", and I'm from there... which means it's serendipitous that I should bring you this message about staying to the right .
e) According to Wikipedia, 66% of the world drives on the right, hence majority wins because we're democratic US Americans... unlike the Asian countries and the Iraq ::twirls hair::
f) Wikipedia also gives instructions on how to Crip Walk... which I've been known to do when I'm really drunk... and always to my right.

So there you have it my dears. Let's all walk to our right, let's encourage everyone else to stick to their right, and your lives should be noticeable better in no time at all.

"Mommy, where do trains sleep?"

2007-10-29T17:30:00.001-04:00

10/28/07

I'm riding the D train on my way downtown to check out some haunted
house attraction and while I am playing with my Nintendo DS I hear a
little girl in the background ask her mother, "mommy, where do trains
sleep?" Anyone who knows me knows that I adore children (though I
have a 5 minute threshold for them), and what I appreciate most is
just how creative they can be. As adults we believe kids don't know
anything, but that agist arrogance is a failure to recognize that kids
know it all. We just hate the idea of someone new to this world
knowing what we don't. In our development we're taught about Santa
and later told he doesn't exist... but who said Santa was a person?
It's a spirit, a movement... and kids know it.

So where DO trains sleep? In train houses? In train beds? What
happens to trains when they're not in use? What happens when you reach
the last stop on a subway line and you're told to get off the train
and it keeps going? That little girl is on to something....

*Sent from my iPhone*

My Thing of the Week

2007-10-27T22:17:00.000-04:00

Every week I send a couple of my friend's my random rant about my "Thing of the Week" and I've decided to start including them in my blog. Some jokes are just inside jokes and may fly over your head, but the rest of it should be interesting. This one is week 4 or 5- we all lost count.

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My Thing Of The Week- umbrellas.

Now, I've made a whole host of things called nouns into my thing of the week, but this just might be the most powerful yet. See, you guys don't know this, but I control the weather. It's true. Let it sink in... wait... wait.... OK. Check this-
- IF I wear a jacket, THEN it will be hot.
And it follows, ever so logically, that,
- IF I carry an umbrella, THEN it will not rain.
(Yes, took it back to Algebra/Logic- y'all ain't know I wuz intellectualz n' shyt)

My logic is infallible. You'll notice it's been incredibly cloudy the past couple of days and yet it hasn't quite rained. Why? Because I've had an umbrella with me all these days. It so happened that the other afternoon I stepped out to get lunch and I left my umbrella in the office. Sure enough it rained on me as soon as I left the Thai place where I can't tell if any of the waiters are straight (Thai men are IMPOSSIBLE to figure out). That place is 4 blocks from my job so my life was pretty hard for all of like 30 minutes until I dried, but the point is I didn't have an umbrella so it rained. Hence, I control the weather.

I have an interesting relationship with umbrellas. If I spend more than $10 on an umbrella I'm bound to lose it that very day. If I spend less than $10 on one, then the wind will blow and cause my umbrella to flip inside out and break. Hence why I HATE umbrellas and don't carry them usually. BUT now we all know better- so long as I have the umbrella, it won't rain. So, I don't even need to use the shit- I just need to have it with me. I've figured out how to turn something that makes my life impossible into something that gives me power. You too could win by carrying an umbrella with you at all times.

Here are a couple of interesting tidbits about umbrellas:
a) Marry Poppins' umbrella is poppin'. It helps her fly.
b) Nautica makes nice umbrellas.
c) Some umbrellas can close themselves. They obviously got B's memo.
d) My umbrella was made in China. That's because it rains there all the time. Feel me?
e) B is from a place close to China, where it probably rains frequently too.
f) "Sombrilla" and "paraguas" are two commonly used names for "umbrella" in Spanish.
g) Umbrellas were most likely invented by people who live somewhere wet, hence they're British.
h) The British like to call an umbrella a "brolly", "parasol" and "bumbershoot" (thank you Wikipedia- I bet y'all didn't know I put research into my Thing of the Week)
i) You can use an umbrella even when it doesn't rain... like at the beach or a patio or in your drink! They're versatile and agile like that- inherently winning objects.

So there you have it, my Thing of the Week. Let's all make sure to carry an umbrella today so that it won't rain- I AM having a good hair day afterall. Give it a go and report back.

The problem with blogging....

2007-10-20T18:03:00.000-04:00

OK check this- I'm trying to figure out how I can snap a picture from my iPhone of something random, e-mail it to my blog and post it with picture and all. So, I messed with the settings and I set up my e-mail blogging feature and I went ahead and sent a posting from my iPhone with an image. What happened? The image didn't load. I looked at my friend and I asked how it's done, and he got into a whole set of instructions about messaging with the HTML and the image source... so I went ahead and tried it out using the little knowledge I have of HTML and I tried to mess with it- but it didn't work out for me. I then opened up Google and tried to figure out what the hell to do, and sure enough I was bombarded with all sorts of instructions for how to post images and mess around with the template of the blog- but no answer to my specific question. Now, I swore what I was attempting to do was simple, but apparently it's not! Why is blogging so complicated?

As I searched through various pages and skipped different topics, I realized that there is just way too much going on with blogging. You can tweak any little thing to a blog, mess with images, create topic lists... just all kinds of shit that I didn't realize you could do with a blog. The problem with blogging is that it's not as simple as "click" and "done"... and I'm of course coming from the perspective of a Mac user whose entire digital life has been simple and elegant.

Blogging is far more involved than I imagined. Maybe I need to get myself a Dummies book for this shit....

The Neo-American Revolution

2007-10-14T17:16:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went to see a play at Henry Street Settlement Playhouse, called "Till the Break of Dawn", directed and written by Danny Hoch. In summation, good acting, mediocre script, excellent message. The play is about a group of men and women who fly to Cuba for a Hip Hop festival with intentions of learning more about the revolution in Cuba and how they could manifest some those ideas here in the US and start a social movement using hip hop and the internet as the vehicle for connecting and mobilizing urban youth. Along they way they meet American exiles in Cuba from various struggles whom each present the characters with candid feedback on their experiences as exiles and the lived experience of being in Cuba. The play is set in 2001, and the climax of the play is the 9/11 attack, after which each character comes to some revelation about how they want to roll up their sleeves and fight for a greater cause when they return to the US.

I saw this play just days after an editorial was published in the NY Times by Thomas Friedman, a well-known scholar on globalization, in which he refers to the current generation in American as "Generation Q", the "Q" being for quiet. He basically said that in the aftermath of 9/11 it's both a good thing and bad that this generation had been as quiet as it has for basically not making our political situation worse in the global context but being far too passive. He did, however, cite the growing number of participants in programs like "Teach for America" as indicative of the growing concern over domestic issues for Generation Q (unlike previous generations who were more involved abroad with programs like PeaceCorps). The same day or the day after (my memory is off) another article was published in the Times discussing national organizations that bring to the forefront the issue of copyrights, the media and First Amendment rights. There's a group of college students that have organized and stood up against legislature that aggressively sue people for downloading and sharing music, specifically targeted at college students. In this article the author demonstrated that although students may not be as organized and outspoken about the global political climate, they are effective and successful at standing up for the issues that matter most to this generation.

It seems to me that the growing popularity of study abroad programs hasn't strayed Americans from traveling abroad and pursuing the agenda of becoming "global citizens", but if there is evidence of a growing concern over domestic issues, I wonder if the next American revolution is slowly creeping up on us. The play I saw yesterday made me think of the ways in which the tools of the Revolution have evolved- we no longer have organized peoples of various struggles the way we did during the Civil Rights Movement; there are no Black Pathers or Young Lords. But with coalitions for freedom of information and the Human Rights Campaign and Al Gore's "global environmental sensitivity" school of thought being further authenticated and mobilized with him winning the Nobel Prize, I'm starting to wonder if the new wave of change and progression is underway. With the industry responding with new hybrid cars and Google's agenda or providing more access to the internet and information, it seems to me that the Revolution is subtle and commercial. People make an issue of something, it's plastered all over the internet and the media and various institutions respond with new policies and new products. The Revolution may not be televised but the Neo-Revolution can be downloaded and consumed. You can drive your hybird Toyota to the mall, buy your (RED) products at the Gap, run to the Apple store and buy an environmentally friendly computer, run home and download music for your iPod from which proceeds go to a charity of an artists choice- and you've lived out your comfortable, cozy life and still saved the world. And the people creating these products rest their heads on bags of money at night feeling good that although they've bought new plots of land for their summer homes they managed to cure AIDS and cancer.

Who said a revolution needed to be bloody? Who said we needed to organize and mobilize and educate? Who said creating change meant ever having to break a sweat? Complacency is the drive of the Neo-Revolution.

Hmm... now that I figured that out I can stop feeling guilty about not being as involved in my community as I probably should be, and I can stop worrying about anything because sitting back and doing the things I love and consuming the things I enjoy inherently save the world. Man... Generation Q is sooooo smart! Fashionable philanthropy is totally the best way to go!

Yeah right. When are people going to wake up? The Neo-Revolution may have distracted us from what's really important and clouded our minds with a false sense of security but those who know better aren't fooled.

It's time to roll up our sleeves and sweat... no matter what walk of life you're from.

Book 7- first time for the last time.

2007-08-12T23:14:00.001-04:00

Wow... I was looking at the title page of the 7th book and as was about to turn the page and start reading the first chapter I had a moment- this was the last time I would ever be starting a new Harry Potter book. This is the last beginning I'd ever experience. I have no idea what to expect from this book as all of my predictions have gone completely out of the window after the phenomenal conclusion of the 6th book. It's bittersweet, really, that I am about to experience this book. Over the years I've come to admire Rowling's uncanny ability as a storyteller and I have no doubt in my mind that she'll blow me away for the 7th time, but it's hard to confront that I'll never again enjoy feeling extremely excited about the next book because once I start this book, once I turn that page and read that first sentence in book 7 it will be the last time I ever cross that threshold of my imagination because there will be no next book. I can remember each and every moment that I started a new Harry Potter book- books 1 and 2 in my dorm room in college; book 3 on the subway in Japan; book 4 twice- once on the bullet train from Madrid to Córdoba and since I never finished it I started it again right before the 4th movie was released and I didn't finish the last chapter in time; book 5 I started on my way to work months ago and finished it literally 3 hours before going to the premier of the 5th movie; and book 6 I started while waiting in the doctor's office for a check up. Now, book 7 I begin while laying on my futon, in my room, while having a bittersweet moment. Harry has been so much a part of my life the last few years and indeed he's been all over the world with me. He's been an inspiration to me as an aspiring writer and storyteller, and the prime example of how wonderful life can be when despite everything happening around you you carry an once of hope and a gallon of love in your heart.

I know, I know... mad dramatic... but if you've been with Harry from the beginning the way many of us have, you'd understand what this all means and where I'm coming from.

So... time for the moment I've been waiting for- the beginning of the end.

I'm sure Rowling won't fail me now.

And yes I'm starting the book nearly a month after it was released... but... I guess I've been in denial about the series ending and wanted to savor it.

And yes, totally still in denial about the end of book 6.

Spiders

2007-08-11T12:25:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen- I have a pet spider. Now, I know that sounds absurd at my age, but hear me out. Without giving the impression that I'm a slob (and without trying to make myself seem like a neat freak because I'm totally not), I noticed a spider web in the corner of my ceiling the other day. Now, my room is clean for the most part, minus the pile of clothes that builds up during the work week and the stack of correspondence on my desk... and I'm not accustomed to having bugs in my room minus the occasional fly that creeps in through the window... so I was a bit thrown off by the presence of the spider web in my room. I was going to leave the spider web up because I wanted the spider to show face and I understand that they're good at keeping other bugs away, but I took the web down because I figured it's my room, my space, and I don't want to live with a spider. About 3 nights later I'm sitting on my futon reading my book (Harry Potter, if you're wondering), and I look up at the end of a chapter, rub my eyes, and yawn. As I opened my eyes after yawning I noticed in the ceiling corning that the spider was hard at work building a new web. I was about to rip it down and toss the spider out the window... wait... that sounds cruel... I was going to nudge it out the window and set it free (much better), but I stopped for a minute to watch the spider meticulously and frantically reconstruct it's web. I never realized how much work goes into building a web, how much time it consumes, or how much patience it requires. The poor homeless spider worked incessantly to build its web all because I decided to tear it down in the first place. I decided to wait it out and let the spider do its thing before deciding what to do with it. When I woke up the next morning I looked up and sure enough the spider had built a web that was larger and more intricate than the last, as if trying to build a better web that would last longer. I took its web an an indication that the spider had no intention of budging- it meant business. So, I've decided to let the poor creature live in my room for as long as it wants to, so long as it doesn't end up in my underwear drawer.

There's a lot than can be learned from a spiider... well... maybe I should speak for myself. We all know I lack patience, and the spider reminds me how far a little patience can go. It also reminds me of how temporary and unstable our presence can be. The spider, ironically, has become a bit of a buddha for me.

I think my pet spider should have a name... and since I can't tell if it's a boy or a girl I'm thinking I'll give it a unisex name... like Pat or Alex or "Hey you". Yeah... that totally works.

P.S. I HATE, HATE, HATE insects... so... this is a major moment of personal growth for me.

Men with dogs

2007-06-09T19:04:00.000-04:00

I think I figured out the whole appeal to men with dogs. The other morning on my way to work this guy jumped on the train at 125th Street- he was holding something under his arm but I couldn't make out what it was. He was slightly above average looking- not drop-dead gorgeous but certainly not ugly... I'd say he was a 7.5. As cute as he was my attraction to him changed completely when I noticed what he was holding- a chihuahua. Now, anyone who knows me know that I LOVE dogs, but I can't stand chihuahuas- they look like oversized rats to me. There was something about this guy holding his shaky chihuahua that just really caught my eye and held my attention. Then it came to me- the reason guys with dogs are appealing is that it is evidence of a potential soft side to them, and it's an indication of their ability to commit and care for a living creature other than themselves. For someone like myself who isn't about the game and is looking for husband-material, a dog guy is theoretically a compatible mate. He would of course have gotten extra brownie points if he had a cuter dog, like an English Bulldog or Sheltie, but the mere fact that he had a dog added appeal.

The guy got off at 14th Street, but we of course made eye contact. He didn't seem interested so I turned up the volume on my iPod and took a nap... and ended up sleeping all the way to work.

'Hoodz- The Formula

2007-04-24T15:08:00.000-04:00

OK... this is me all kinds of lost in the sauce, trying to figure out the flavor. I was reading the New York Times today (which I try to do often but I admit I can't stand the news half the time because I seldom hear any good news), and there was mention of plans to establish a new Italian-American museum in NoLIta. Normally I'm all over things like gravy on biscuits, but I could not figure out for the life of me where the hell this person was going with that. Then it hit me... Grand Street... North of Little Italy... NOrth Little ITAly... NoLITa. Now, this brings me to question who the HELL decided this was a neighborhood (because I could have sworn up and down that was SoHo [South of Houston]), why I couldn't identify it on a subway map, and why I'd never heard it before. Just last year I found out about SoBro- mind you I've been living in the South Bronx my whole life, and it's not quite as "trendy" a neighborhood as the catchy name would lead one to believe. Where do these names come from, and what purpose do they serve? In the larger scheme of things like gentrification, I could imagine having a trendy name for a neighborhood would do wonders for the development of the neighborhood- bring in your Starbucks, throw in a New York Sports Clubs, and top it off with a Barnes and Noble and BOOM! you've got an up and coming 'hood. Along with that you get the yuppies, throw in some gays, add a pinch of old money, and you're good to go. That is, in essence, the formula to the whole deal with gentrification.

It's all in the name....

Life happens.

2007-04-22T21:37:00.000-04:00

Indeed it does. I haven't written in my blog in forever and a half because life happens and I've not been able to sit here and blog. This raises another question for me- how long is too long when it comes to blogging? If you aren't able to blog for 2 weeks, does that make you a bad blogger? Will my blog be upset with me if I'm not able to give it attention for extended periods of time? What about the people reading my blog? I'm not aware of who is or isn't reading it... but... what if I have a fan somewhere out there- will they start to hate me if I keep them waiting too long for a post?

Yes, yes you're right- I should be concerning myself with better, more important things... and so I shall.

Stay tuned.

Birthday weekend / Sexy Being 24

2007-04-09T01:10:00.000-04:00

OK... I can't even get into it right now... BUT... this was the CRAZIEST, most memorable birthday weekend I have EVER had. I mean... wow. I can't even get into detail because half of it might get me in trouble and the other half will make me look like a fool.

And now that I'm 24 years old and a step further from being a kid and a step closer to being a grown up, I have to say this is such a WONDERFUL age to be. I feel soooo incredibly excited about my adulthood, about the point I've reached in my life. I cannot complain about a single thing (well... bills... bastards). I'm soooo blessed, sooo lucky... yes I've worked hard and continue to do so, but I know plenty of people who work as hard as I do but don't get as much in return. I'm a lucky, lucky boy and I will not deny it.

I'm excited about 24... ;-)

Twenty four... what a SEXY age!!!

Ellen

2007-04-03T16:31:00.000-04:00

Ellen Degeneres (spelling?) is an amazing woman. I truly admire the way she's swept people right off their feet with her humor while maintaining her political stance. Since I'm home sick with bronchitis I got to see her show for the first time in months, and if at all possible she's seemed to have taken her act a step up from the last time I watched. Go 'head gurl.

The other thing I noticed is that the majority of her audience is comprised of middle-aged white women. Where are they all coming from? Middle America? I feel like my consciousness of people in this country outside of the Northeast is really limited (partly because I rather travel abroad than domestically). I'm actually incredibly afraid of Middle America- in all the horror movies it seems like shit happens in places like Kentucky n' shit... you won't find anyone wearing or eating anyone's skin in NYC (at least they don't make a public affair of it). I watched the show, looking at the sea of these women, thinking to myself "what the hell is their financial situation that they get to sit there and participate in that audience?" What is their investment portfolio lookin' like? Are they married to money perhaps? I want to have all the time in the world to sit in on shows and/or watch them from home. I only get to enjoy Ellen's show on sick days.

Too many choices.

2007-04-02T21:21:00.001-04:00

The other day my boss and I were having a conversation about jeans. She was looking for a pair of jeans and asked if I could think of any places where she could get simple jeans. I told her the Gap- although I'm not the biggest fan of their company, I will say their jeans are fierce and they tend to make sizes and fits for wide range of body types and tastes. As soon as I suggested it she started to go on about how she likes their jeans but is intimidated by their selection. "I just want to walk into the store, get myself a good old-fashioned pair of jeans, and walk out. I don't want to stand there looking at a huge wall full of jeans in different colors and different type- this fit and that fit and wash this and this wash and whatever... I just want jeans."

That conversation really illuminated something for me. The whole idea/premise/pitch behind democracy is having freedom of choice. We're given a million an one options everywhere we go- we can go into Starbucks and specify how we want our morning coffee; we can walk into KMart and get blue towels in all shades of blue and all sizes; we can sit down at a restaurant for dinner with friends and be bombarded with a plethora of appetizers to choose from. When we're spending so much time choosing and customizing our lives as we see fit, how is it possible to be engaged in politics? How are we supposed to be concerned about the shrinking middle class when we're busy figuring out how to finance our new cars and whether we want a navigation system in it or not? Yes, it's great to have choices and options, and one could argue that we damn right deserve to have that kind of freedom, but it's it counterproductive and counterintuitive to what democracy is really trying to get at? Then again, other countries have options and choices and they still seem to pull of a strong sense of democracy.

So what's our excuse? Too many choices? Apathy? Lack of knowledge/awareness? I could survey a bunch of people and get any mix of responses as to the problem with lack of political awareness and involvement in the United States... but I'm going to take the position that we have too many choices and I'm going to stick to it. We have too many kinds of jeans to choose from to remember the name of our vice president or to understand how each political party differs from one another. We're too busy deciding between baby blue and sky blue towels to understand how our votes matter.

This is of course not the only reason why our democracy is a weak one, but I think it's worth considering. TOO MANY CHOICES.

The Big Script

2007-03-25T17:14:00.000-04:00

Do you ever feel that life is just this big stage and everyone is performing? Something freaky, like "The Truman Show" or something? Sometimes I feel like I'm on a show, and life is there for me to both participate in and sit back and watch (both of which I do to the extreme). It seems like in any situation, any location, any circumstance, and with any number or arbitrary people there is always a sort of script that can be followed. I'm not saying that life is predictable- you can't read ahead and find out what's going to happen next before it happens- but there are definite predictable patterns of behavior that people follow. Most patterns of behavior as so consistent that I've developed a sense for them and I'm able to stray away from a sticky situation when I see one.

I would provide an example of such a situation, but doing so might get me in trouble with certain people. I will say, however, that men in particular are great at giving away their roles in The Big Script. Not to categorize people into absolute characters... but men are easy to read. Step into a room crowded with men and intentions are very easy to read- you can always tell who wants to sleep with who, you can pick up on the shy guy, you can pick out who's slept with who, you can figure out who's the guy everyone wants to sleep with, you can tell when a partnership isn't doing too well and you can tell when they're an open relationship... the list goes on. My instinct is right about 85% of the time, but my instinct is well developed because I've been in every one of those situations and I've paid close attention to my other friends when they're going through similar experiences.

I will argue that in gay male scenes, relationships and intentions can be discerned fairly easy. When in doubt, refer to The Big Script.

Artists are on to something....

2007-03-18T18:07:00.000-04:00

It takes an admirable amount of courage to live honestly- to see things the way they really are, to reject and refuse oppressive social scripts, to live according to the impulse of your thoughts and the pattern of your heartbeat. There's something to be said about the way artists live their lives. On the outside it seems like they don't know what they want, they get themselves into compromising situations, they live poorly, etc. In reality, these people are pretty honest with themselves and they're probably miles ahead of the herd on the path to enlightenment. Imagine living your life not caring what anyone thinks? Dressing how you feel? Loving who you want? Smiling more than you frown? Waking up each morning excited about life because you're doing exactly what you want so you're always looking forward to another day? Having the developed capacity to express yourself however you want and never harboring anything negative inside of you? I'm not suggesting that only artists are capable of living like this, but I think they're owed more credit for doing so than we give sometimes. In many respects, artists should be admired- not just for their work but for their keen sense of self and reality.

Although I don't consider myself an artist, I have to say that if I didn't have my writing or some other outlet for my thoughts, I'd be a hot mess. Couple that with being openly gay- I have to just not give a shit about what people say or think in order to live happily. I have to love radically because the Hollywood notions of romance don't really cut it. Each and every morning I have to be passionate about my first conscious breath of air because I'll face all sorts of hurdles and obstacles before the day is over. I have to read between the lines, seek the truth, and abide by it because if not I'd go crazy. I have to remind myself that I didn't chose many things in this life growing up (not even my own name) but I now have the agency to recreate my reality as I see fit and the courage with which to do it.

Being gay... I guess... is an art. Just as legitimate as writing.

When do thugs grow up?

2007-03-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

Or do they ever? That's a better question. My friends and I were sitting in Panera Bread yesterday having soups and salads and lookin' all kinds of cute, and out of nowhere this incredibly adorable kid comes over to the table next to us. He had the most wide, brilliant brown eyes and he could not stop staring at my friend's chest (then again, her boobs were all kinds of tryna reach out and touch). He was accompanied by his mommy, who looked like she was perhaps in her late 30's or early 40's. Soon after they sat down and settled into their seats, his daddy came along and joined them with the drinks. He too was in his late 30's/early 40's, decked out from head to toe in the flyest gear- the Yankee cap, baggy jeans, Timberland boots, Bluetooth earpiece, gold chains, etc. He sat down and played with his son, looking like the happiest and proudest daddy in the world but never once letting his guard down- he did everything to assert his masculinity and authority. And then I thought to myself- "when do thugs grow up?" The man can grow into his skin but never out of his gear and his 'hood mentality, can he? I've seen thugs as old as 50 acting like they never grew up. Part of me admires that because of course age is all mental... but I'm concerned about what that does for the perpetuation of thug identity and lifestyle, which I ague is all the fault of the entertainment industry feeding off our communities.

One of my friends suggested that thugs only grow up and snap out of it when something life-altering happens- like a cousin getting shot, a baby's mama getting knocked up, etc. I thought about this one for a bit, and although it's true that many men will abandon the thug life when shit hits the fan, they don't abandon the persona. They keep their caps and chains, carry with them the lessons imparted by movies like "The Godfather" and "Scarface", they'll continue to act hard and rough... but they knock out the hustle. They'll do everything to benefit from the hypermasculinity of thug identity but they won't actually put themselves in any situation that would get them into any business with law enforcement or pose any threat to their lives. But at the same time, that display of male ego, arguably, is childish. Some guys never leave Nevernever Land.

So really... is it a matter of thugs not ever growing up? Or is is the male species in general? I've seen PhDs, JDs, and MDs act a fool, so education and life experience isn't enough to get some men to snap the fuck out of it. The male ego pandemic goes across age, class, race, sexuality, etc.- men are hot messes, and we're all losing out from them actin' up.

Our Order

2007-03-11T19:07:00.000-04:00

Beverly and I:

- sashimi appetizer, with extra rice and miso soup
- tempura appetizer
- gyoZA
- godzilla roll
- dragon roll
- green tea icecream

One step closer to heaven.

Arigato.

Radical love

2007-03-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

A while ago a best friend from college and I were at her place in Brooklyn, watching TV, clearly not sober, and just laughing our asses off. We were watching that show on NBC... "Vegas" or something like that... takes place in Las Vegas... I dunno... I barely watch TV (I LIVE for "Heroes"!!!). So, at one point there was this intense romantic, intimate scene between two of the characters, and as I was watching it I started getting really upset and ended up blurting out, "this is bullshit. TV and Hollywood fucks up our entire understanding of relationships. Actual relationships are nothing like what you see on TV, and then we're constantly disappointed when things don't work out 'the way they should' but who the fuck ever said this shit is real? It's TV... that doesn't make it totally accurate." My friend and her roommate both look at me and nod their heads, as if I hit the issue right on the money. This was months ago, and I'm still thinking and processing that moment.

One would argue that the need for companionship is very much ingrained into our nature as human beings. Scientific studies have proven that people with partners live longer than those who are alone into their old age. We all know that life is more fun and interesting when you share it with someone else. Fostering a family is vital to sustain yourself spiritually as you age. Even people who insist that they don't need anyone probably need someone when they're hot and horny... there's just a need for companionship on many levels. What gets people in trouble are notions of romance and relationships. People assume there's some "right" way things should happen, that there are unspoken roles to be played and expectations to be met. And, as we all know, when you start making expectations where they need not be, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. So, what happens when you stop living your romantic life according to unwritten scripts and devoid of unwarranted expectations? RADICAL LOVE.

People need to learn to love radically. There is no "I called last time so it's his turn to call." You're lying to yourself when you expect that after 3 months of dating you're owed a commitment or should be on some level of commitment. It's also unrealistic to expect that a person should date you exclusively until any commitment is made. We live in a capitalist society where each and every person is taught to be self-centered, self-preserving, and self-sufficient. Notions of "us" and "we" and "ours" and contradictory to capitalistic ideals- it's all about me, mine, I... my money, my time, my property, my career, my health. How do you switch gears smoothly and give up "my" for "ours"? I argue that it can't happen smoothly... and it needs to be radical.

Let's also consider that relationships don't come with a blueprint or itinerary. There is no "right" way to do things, there is no sequential order of things, there is no role to play or fulfill. Once people get away from that pattern of thinking they can begin to enjoy their mate's company to the fullest- devoid of any restrictions or expectations... just letting each person be. Commitments... they take time. It's hard to let go of "me, my, I" and it's perfectly OK to not want a commitment to anyone else other than yourself.

Loving radically is just freeing yourself from all these ideas and ideals... and just enjoying whomever you're dating to the fullest potential.

More soon... but I just had to get this thought going before I lost it.

Gay Schizophrenia

2007-02-25T14:04:00.000-05:00

I won't begin to attempt to fully and adequately assess the situation (and I couldn't do justice to the matter in one blog or maybe even this lifetime), but in general the gay community is schizophrenic. We have people hating from the outside (conservative, repressed individuals from all walks of life, some of them self-loathing closet cases). Then we have those in the community who internalize homophobia and self-hate, never allowing themselves to fully mature into the person they have the potential to be because they're busy drowning themselves in substance to escape whatever is making them miserable. Then there are folks who think being gay is not a matter of lifestyle but of sexual preference/desire- guys who are "straight" but sleep with men, men who dip in and out of the scene as they please only to calm their sexual urges, those that might claim to be bisexual but never really lead one lifestyle... these people are gay for the sex but perhaps can't be counted on to stand up for gay rights. Mix all these factors in and blend it with race, class, age, throw in a pinch of mental health issues and a tablespoon of drama and you've got a schizophrenic organism... and we call it the gay community.

I'm not trying to bash, not one bit. I'm actually opening the floor to an honest conversation that needs to happen. Everyone in life is a mess... we're just a mess of a particular kind, and time and time again I've met men in discussion groups and at bars and parties who all express a dissatisfaction with the community of some kind. I've moved way past the issues of coming out to myself and combed through internalized homophobia and moved past it... but I can stand back and objectively say there are some issues that need to be sorted out for the community to continue to thrive. Without sounding too "crunchy granola" about it, I have to honestly say the best interest of the community is my interest. And the work needs to be done by the community as a whole as well as by each member individually (someday I'll try to suggest a way to go about doing that... once I figure some things out.)

I'm going to shift gears and speak subjectively, because I can really only provide my perspective on the matter as an openly gay Puerto Rican urban middle-class male (say that 5 times fast!). Caribbean Latino males (and I'm speaking mostly about Dominicans, Cubans, and Puerto Ricans) are by far the most interesting of the male species. And I say that with love because I love my Caribbean brothas... but they're prime example of how all the aforementioned issues manifest themselves into personality/outlooks/sexual behavior. Imagine interacting with men who are gay/bisexual but walk the Earth saying they're straight? Then, they get into male relationships but they're still straight. They exchange rings with their boyfriends (who aren't really their boyfriends because they're straight) but refuse to admit they're engaged or committed because that doesn't exist in gay relationships... oh wait, they're not in a gay relationship because they're straight so of course they're not engaged. Reread the last 3 sentences- doesn't that make you feel like you're going crazy just reading it? Like you can't keep up or it's just so wrong that there are no words to articulate or describe the intense dysfunction occurring? And then we wonder why people have trouble getting comrades in motion to protect our right and legitimize our relationships. Others still can't grasp why sexually transmitted viruses and infections are prevalent in the community... I mean, if they're not gay and they don't engage in sex and gay sex isn't real sex and no one can get pregnant and no one is fully aware and informed, then of course there's no use for a condom!

And let's not even begin to engage the matter of abusive gay relationships in the community... self-esteem issues... issues of masculinities... I could write a book... and I just might one day.

I struggle with trying to figure out whether this issue is lack of literacy, lack of advocacy, genuine ignorance from within and without... it's of course all of these things... but where to begin? Well duh- we need to come at the issue from multiple perspectives concurrently.

I will admit that this conversation is years old and the wheel has been reinvented time and time again on the matter, but the issues haven't gone away... so the conversation isn't quite over.

Covah da buttah!

2007-02-24T14:09:00.000-05:00

Cover your butter... better yet, covah ya buttah. you have to say it with attitude and mean it.

My friend Gloria and i took advantage of the 3-day weekend and went to Boston to visit a friend of ours. Needless to say we were acting all kinds of crazy like we were back in college- we acted like we didn't know how to act, essentially. The festivities all began as soon as we got off the Fung Wah/Chinatown bus at South Station, and by the time we left we had acquired some very critical knowledge- to get by in life, you need to covah ya buttah. Allow me to share.

When I visit beantown i usually make a stop for lunch at one of my favorite places in the world- fajitas n' ritas. It's by Downtown Crossing/The Common... one of those small streets... I never remember the name of it. This place serves nothing but nachos and fajitas (well... maybe they serve other things but i never see past the fajitas and nachos and usually i'm took drunk to care....). the main attraction, however, are the ritas- they carry frozen margaritas in the most delicious flavors! They'll carry their usual everyday flavors (raspberry, strawberry, etc.) and then they'll have the daily specials. Last time i went they served coconut flavored margaritas that were to die for... and in the past they've served passion fruit and tamarind... mmmm.... Well, last week's special were guava-flavored margaritas. They were PHENOMENAL!!! And needless to say we had a couple of pitchers of it... but this is a total sidetrack.

So, on our way to the restuarant we passed an out-door used book sale. Mind you, it's the middle of February, freezing cold outside, and people are crowding over used books in an empty lot between two buildings... I swear human beings fascinate me. So, as we're walking past this lost and approaching the restaurant, my friend Gloria starts giggling to herself and reads a book title out loud- "Cover the Butter". We have yet to Google the book or check Amazon.com to see what the book is about, but we got a kick out of it. An hour later and about 3 margaritas each, I start with a ramble of some kind, I start to studder or something... I can't quite remember what I did or said, but I was not keeping up. Gloria proceeds to look at me and say, "you need to cover the butter." Y pa que eso? We were rolling on the floor, laughing our asses off. We knew right there and then that we'd be incorporating this phrase into our lives. And we made a pact to share it with the rest of the world.

So, ladies and germs, whenever someone acts out of line, studders, or just plain old isn't keeping up with themselves, kindly remind them to cover their butter... but add a ghetto flare to the execution, like "I'mma need you to covah ya buttah right now cuz you ain't keepin' up." See?

If this blows up into the new wave, you're reading right here and now how it all started. Maybe one day I'll Google the book and figure out what the hell it's about to begin with.

Covah ya buttah, k?

Oh and did I mention that I finally pierced my ears after lunch? I had been thinking about getting 2nd holes in my lobes for quite some time now... something about the guava margaritas helped me finally make that decision... so imagne me all buzzed out at Claire's getting new studs in my ears. HOT. Boston was great.

Bracing myself

2007-02-20T18:55:00.000-05:00

Tis the the last evening of my vacation, and I'm sitting here bracing myself for my return to proverbial "real world." Morning commute. Overcrowded streets. Piles of files on my desk. People with ridiculous attitudes. Working for someone else. Nine to five. Hitting the gym after work (which I don't mind so much because the gym is an escape for me... but I haven't been there in a week so my body is in for it tomorrow). The list goes on and on.

Now let's state the obvious- life is as miserable as you make it, you have to choose your attitude in life, make lemonade out of lemons, yadda yadda yadda. It's incredibly difficult to maintain that kind of outlook on life when it's the middle of winter and you're freezing your ass off, Bush is president, real estate in NYC is ridiculous, incredibly smart people get rejected by Princeton, and you want a piece of brownie but you're avoiding carbs. I'm sure concentrated meditation would make all of this go away, but... I'm on vacation... and this is kind of my last rant as I'm bracing myself for re-entry into my reality.

I REALLY want that brownie though... you have NO IDEA. With some whipped cream... some vanilla ice cream... a glass of cold milk to wash it down... yeeeeeaaaahhhh..... I'm sure an extra 15 minutes on the treadmill will cancel out the effect of the brownie, no? OK... fine... be like that.

Oh and one more thing, soooooooo not looking forward to annoying coworkers. I should keep a list of therapists by my desk and hand out referrals.

I crack myself up.

2007-02-19T19:21:00.000-05:00

I showered, shaved, got dressed, put on my favorite cologne, put my scarf and coat on, turned my room inside out looking for my chapstick and didn't find it, proceeded to the door, opened the door, and right as I was about to take my first step I snapped. Here I was, on my way out to see my friend and have dinner and watch "Heroes" (best show EVER)... I went through the motions of getting ready and then in the end I just really didn't want to go. The best part was calling my friend and explaining that I was dressed and ready but really didn't feel like going and couldn't provide a better excuse. Seconds after I got off the phone I had to just stop and laugh at myself. Who does that!? You think I would have been aware of not wanting to go way before I got to the door, but no... I waited until the last possible moment to have that light bulb go off in my head.

I swear, sometimes I feel I'm all the entertainment I need in life.

Sunday morning

2007-02-18T11:18:00.000-05:00

"Chop!"

Hierba.

Gloria and I are sitting here, chillin' like villains in Boston. Having finished our delicious breakfast we retired to the living room to veg out on the couches. It's Sunday morning, the day before the 3rd day of a 3-day weekend, and we're feeling incredibly humbled by the fact that we don't have a worry in the world. No children, no homework, no pets, no commitments to anything but the current and flow of the day.

"Abdul is hot." And indeed he is. Unforortunately we don't get to meet him this time. Doesn't matter, anyway. It's not about him, it's about us right now and the magic of this Sunday morning.

"It makes me sad... right here," I said as I tapped my heart with the tips of my finger. I broke down in front of her as I explained that Bertucci's is a Boston-area phenomenon and they have yet to establish one of their restaurants in New York City. I practically lived off of Bertucci's all through college, having had a shrimp bella venezia pizza at least once a week, sometimes three days in a row on a particularly good week. Bertucci's was my guilty pleasure, a stimulant for my apetite that was so great it completely distracted me from any hint of homesickness I experienced. My college years, bittersweetly, were the best and worst times of my life. Bertucci's was my escape, and it took my mind off of anything that provoked any negative feelings.

(I should stop right now before I make this sitution worse for myself.)

Home home home home home home home home...

2007-02-14T15:28:00.000-05:00

That's all I can think about at the moment- going home. It's Valentine's Day, which is not really my thing because it's a Hallmark/Heterosexual thing that I can't really vibe with, and I'm just about tired of seeing flowers and chocolate every 5 steps I take. Then, factor in the snow storm outside and the hour-long commute and you've got yourself a stew of "I wanna go the fuck home." To add injury to insult, there's no one here at work today! There's nothing for me to do and I've still got about an hour and a half left before I get to go home for the day.

Suddenly I see the purpose for a blog- something to do when there's nothing else to do.

I want to go home, snuggle up in bed, watch DVDs, eat lots of yummy things that are bad for you and make you run to the gym at the crack of dawn, and I want to talk on the phone for hours.

I should also mention I'm anxious to get out of work today because my vacation begins the moment I'm let loose. That's right ladies and germs- I've extended my 3-day weekend into a much-deserved week-long hibernation. So essentially... I'm bored out of my mind at work, sleeping, and dying to go home and be a vegetable for the next couple of days.

Home... home... home... home... home... home... home... home... home....

"Those Fridays"

2007-02-09T12:40:00.000-05:00

I HATE Fridays right before a 3-day weekend. Yes, there's always the sigh of relief that the week is over and an extra day of rest is on the horizon, but the Friday before a 3-day weekend (known hereinwith as "Those Fridays") is pure torture. You're counting down the time until 5PM rolls around (or whatever time you get out... I know people who are lucky enough to get out at 3 on Those Fridays), and it won't come fast enough. In an attempt to make time fly by you start doing things that you've been putting off around the office or you sort through a stack of paper work that's accumulated and piled up over time... you know, things you've been storing away for when you have a moment or for a rainy day, things of less urgency than others.... Next thing you know, you've done everything that needed to get done, everything has been cleared off your desk, and you even put in extra effort to get a head start on some things for the following week when you return from the fabulous 3-day weekend- and it's only 12:45 in the afternoon!

::sigh:: Now what? Sit here and twiddle my thubs? Blog for a little bit? Text message friends? Make dinner plans?

It most certainly is... one of Those Fridays.

First Post

2007-02-07T10:39:00.000-05:00

I have my issues with blogs, I must admit... but these days it seems that all the cool kids have one, so why shouldn't I? I put the "oo" in cool... dammit. ::holding back laughter::

Blogs are interesting for me because as I browse through different blogs I see people using them in different ways, and I have yet to figure out how I'm going to utilize mine. Some people use their blogs for political rant and to disseminate information. Other put all their baby's mama drama out there for the world to read. I guess if everyone else gets to bullshit on the internet why shouldn't I?

You ready!?!? Let's do this.

DownTheRabbitHole

Bucket List

paulo coelho

test entry

this. happened.

Luis' Thing of the Week

fuckin' hot

Mess.

Truest. Words. Ever.

so am I... apparently

just how I like it....

HOT

I want!!!

My Thing of the Week- Week 15

My Thing of the Week- Week 14 *The Janet Edition*

My Thing of the Week- Week 13

Someone's business card

Hell yeah I do!

My Thing of the Week- Week 12

The day after payday

Winter makes me feel...

My Thing of the Week- Week 11

Lucky boy

This. Happened.

Please add to my wish list

* 10th Edition of My Thing of the Week- Weeks 9 and 10 *

Just 'cause I can

Watch. Out.

My Thing of the Week- Week 8

Waiting rooms

Flip flops are over

Thing of the Week- Week 7

I LOVE spam!

I had to stop and share....

Doll lady

My Thing of the Week- Week 6

"Mommy, where do trains sleep?"

My Thing of the Week

The problem with blogging....

The Neo-American Revolution

Book 7- first time for the last time.

Spiders

Men with dogs

'Hoodz- The Formula

Life happens.

Birthday weekend / Sexy Being 24

Ellen

Too many choices.

The Big Script

Artists are on to something....

When do thugs grow up?

Our Order

Radical love

Gay Schizophrenia

Covah da buttah!

Bracing myself

I crack myself up.

Sunday morning

Home home home home home home home home...

"Those Fridays"

First Post

My Thing of the Week- Week 14 The Janet Edition